Great thread. I think there are going to be a lot of people on here supporting you. I was also brought up very religious (in a Southern state no less). I started to recognize the hypocrisy and hate of the church when I was a teen. My parents were "highly involved" in the church and I overheard much more than I needed to know about church members' personal lives. Talk about unnecessary drama! I also remember being about nine years old and hearing my grandmother commenting to my mother about how she saw a bottle of wine in a church member's grocery basket at the store. They thought it was scandalous!
As I grew older it became more evident that many people in the church have forgotten why they're there and are feeding a massive "social order" complete with cliques and gossip networks. Not to mention developing a judgmental personality is cause for respect and reward. I maintained my belief in God due primarily to being "brainwashed," until I broke free of the influence and began to exercise my scientific inclinations and study of cosmology, physics, etc.
Today, I am truly embarrassed that I went 17 years of my life believing that there is a spiritual entity that created a "flawed creature" and then conveniently structured laws to punish this creature and demand that it act against the nature in which it was created. And expects the creature to reject logic, even while the existence of its planet is a result of logical, sequential, explainable occurrences. I feel today's belief in God is no different from the Sumerians believing the Sun and Moon were spiritual beings. Throughout time, man's perception of God has evolved along with knowledge and learning. It's only a matter of time before modern science forces humanity to accept reality (or create a new version of God). The theory of evolution has already begun to bring this awakening into motion. Although a lot of people, my family included, are kicking and screaming against it.
Looking back I really feel pretty stupid for buying into religion, but I forgive myself when I realize that I had been brainwashed from a very young age. I was brought up shielded from the "real world" and my parents probably just expected me to grow up and be a preacher's wife someday. Funny thing, we were always taught how other religions were cults. I'm sorry to say, but if you compare practices and beliefs it's obvious that Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Catholics, etc. are no different from Jehovah's Witnesses or Scientology. If your mind is being indoctrinated to reject science, to follow obscure laws and teachings, and to believe you're going to heaven and everyone who doesn't believe your version is going to hell... IT'S A CULT!
It's still hard to get past some of the conditioning. I guess in some ways I look at swinging as a way to absolve myself of the judgments I've had about sexuality in the past, which was one of the strongest indoctrinations I experienced. This is not an easy thing, let me tell you. And dealing with the family is something I've chosen to just simply not do. I can't even fathom what would happen if I ever came clean about being an atheist... a word that was maybe one step up the ladder from the word "satan." Religion is so extreme in my family that when I recently told my grandmother about my boyfriend, her first question was "Well, is he a Christian?" Aaaaarrrghghhghhhh!
But it's good to hear the experiences of other people who grew up religious or who had to shake free of ingrained beliefs to find their own way... and have found swinging to be a part of their escape. It makes you realize that you're with people who grew up similar to you and you're not the only former Christian going to hell.
Hopefully at least they'll have swinger's parties there!