Not sure if this is the place for this but here goes.
Okay, I've had lots of things nagging at me for a long time and just want to be open and honest about them (don't worry I'm not about to blast anybody from the board.) I haven't been able to be perfectly honest about who I am on this board because for the past twelve years I have been the pastor of a church. (Yes, that's the reason I get involved in the religious discussions on this board, I just can't help myself)
. Sorry if people feel like I've been dishonest because I really didn't mean to be. I've just been scared.
Here's the thing; I hate my job and I hate Christianity. My wife and I are trying to get out. We'll be completely leaving the "Church" as soon as we can. For those of you who are Christian I hope you don't read this and get too offended (I'm not sure how many will actually read this anyway). I know a lot of good christian people who are kind, loving people. but I hate the institution of the church. I hate the religion of christianity.
What's funny is that I am amazed by the person of Jesus. I look at the gospels and I see a kind, caring, compassionate person whom I would much like to emulate. Then I look at the religion which is supposed to be based on his teachings and I see judgment, narrow mindedness, misogyny, greed and the like. I can't help but think "What the f@ck happened?"
I look at Jesus and see a person who would love and accept me as a cussing, sex loving person who desperately wants to help make the world a better place and just love people (which is why I got into the ministry). But in "his church" I can't be me. I would first be fired and then ostracized and viewed as a deviant. I actually believe (despite the church's teachings) that I'm a good person.
The church creates a bunch of fake, unreal people who live in fear of judgment from other christians and from their angry God. It's so exhausting and I'm just sick of it.
Now I'm not sure where I fit in. I want a place where people will let my wife and I be who we are. This desire is a lot of what draws me to swinging and to this board (there's the sex thing too). Yet, when people hear that we work at a church we fear they'll close up and run away (and I don't blame them). They fear exactly what I do.
I hope this doesn't cause problems because that's not my intent. I just needed to vent. I hope that's okay.