[K&JIntimates]

Mr. & Mrs. Fun4Ds,

Thank you so much for your kind words in response to my post. It really means a lot to me and comes at a time when I’m trying to sort my own feelings out. (It’s getting easier as K and I talk about this.)

We have come to the conclusion that this was just too much too soon. I was ready for a soft swap but K wasn’t. A lot of factors lead into his recoiling from wanting to participate farther. He wasn’t comfortable with the situation where we are meeting people for the first time with the possibility of casual sex thrown in there. (Yes, being in the moment has it’s place but overall.)

Jealousy combined with a certain amount of mistrust for the other male in regards to me also plays into it. K acknowledges and appreciates that in this encounter I did everything that I could to reassure him of my love, encourage his participation, and lavish an equal if not more amount of my attentions on him. He says that was the only thing that helped to check his jealousy. That and seeing that the couple we were with were proceeding at my pace.

Seeing me kiss and caress another man did not inspire feelings of arousal for K, just the opposite. K did find a certain amount of arousal in my enjoyment and my excitement but he kept having unpleasant images of what the gentleman could do (that K didn’t like) that it just killed it for him.

K felt distracted that there was another couple having sex right next to us and that it was harder for him to find that thread of intimacy that connects us during sex.

All of this along with the conditioning of a lifetime that sex and love are intertwined and all the social ‘norms’ that it just overwhelmed him.

I posted our first encounter on here and you can see how we fed off of each other’s excitement. K was aroused not only from the stimulation of being with a woman who he found attractive and who likewise found him desirable but because I was aroused and excited seeing him with another woman. He was okay in that situation because I was ‘out of play’ and so was the other husband. He had more control over the situation so was able to enjoy it more.

I approached him with the question whether he would do something like that again. His response was that, while he did derive enjoyment from being with someone else while I watched, he didn’t want to feel as if he was taking advantage of, not only, my open nature but that I would put myself in a secondary pleasure situation for him. He doesn’t want to be unfair and feels that, because I’m willing to share him 100%, that he should be able to do so also. Right now he can’t.

I asked him how he felt about separate room play; he said that would just make his own feelings worse because then all there would be was the images from his imagination. Not good.

I realize that all of this is normal. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time reading on these boards to understand it. We looked into this together because K knew I wanted to indulge in one or two of my fantasies with him and I wanted to share a different dimension of pleasure and enjoyment with him.

K would be happy with vanilla sex for the rest of his life. He’s the only man I’ve ever met or heard of who has turned down or not lusted over the prospect of being with two women at once. When he was away working overseas for a year I told him to go alleviate some of the longings of his loins at one of the ‘happy ending’ massage parlors. He never did. He waited until we were together again. K doesn’t fit into what you’d call a ‘typical’ man.

I, however, can’t say the same. I like vanilla sex and it’s okay but, after awhile, I start to get bored with it. I mean who wants to be able to predict exactly what will happen next when you’re having sex? K and I are open with each other so each time this has started to happen I’ll bring it up to him. We’ll have a fantasy while we’re making love or go out and have sex in a parking lot somewhere, just do something different. This was what brought us to the swingers club initially. We wanted to do something different and put a little passion back into something that had started to become routine. (and it did)

So now we take a pause. Whether it’s two weeks, two months, or two years. He needs time. I wanted this for us. I wanted to give him some experiences that he would look back on for the rest of his life and still be a bit blown away by them. When he’s ready for those he’ll let me know.