[Alura]

I'm just a hick Okie, and I don't profess to have any magic systems to find playmates, but it seems to me you've ruled out all possibilities except one: "Search among one's friends."

It's true risks of losing friendships exist if a couple does that, but there are ways to diminish that. I do not recommend going to each of your friends and asking, "Would y'all like to swing?" I do recommend getting to know your friends. It will take some effort and more time than going to a club or searching on-line.

You can do that by learning to communicate with them. Ask questions that will get them to think about the answers, and NEVER ask a question that can be answered with "yes" or "no." Ask a couple of hundred questions about life in general before getting around to swinging and always ask in the same way.

We like "How do y'all feel about ...?" Their answers will require some thought and will delve deeper into their psyche. Start with "... your life as a child?" Go on to, "... the college you went to?" "... city government?" "... the war?" "... the crime rate?" "... 'Gone with the Wind?" "... your job?"

When you start getting near "THE QUESTION," don't go for the jugular the first time the subject turns to sex.

"What do y'all think has caused the recent downturn in teen pregnancies?" "How much do you fear STDs?" 'How do y'all feel about our government financing aids care/research in Africa?" "How would y'all feel about them doing the same thing here?" "How do y'all feel about mixed/gay/open marriages?"

By the time one gets around to "How do y'all feel about group sex?" one will have some idea of what the answer will be. If they say, "It's okay for some, but not for us," simply ask "How do y'all feel about the public schools today?"

If they say, "It sounds like fun to us!" ask "How do y'all feel about the jealousy issue?" "... risks of pregnancy?" There are a lot of etceteras one can choose from on this board.

If you develop the tradition of asking and answering such questions, don't be surprised if they follow your lead and ask, "How do y'all feel about swinging?"

Always answer truthfully and completely. Remember the goal is not to convince but to learn how your friends think, which will help you to determine if they are, indeed, prospective playmates.

Mr. Alura