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Originally Posted by fun4Ds  This is sex wright ! Who is holding who back here ?
You both said you found THE ONES and also found a reason not to.
Just our experience. The first couple we played with were not the one and only almighty sparks of life. I'm not cutting them down by any means, they were compatible. We liked them. We felt comfortable and safe. We played and never will we forget any moment of that evening. The sparks that flew were between Mrs Fun and I. We were very happy with our choice. Honestly, I don't think we were the one and only for them either.... We all still had a great time. We wanted to see how we felt after having sex with different people. They gave us the opportunity to feel that. We will never forget them for that night. The truth is who we thought were going to be the best of our choice, weren't.
Are you sure you not missing the ones you should be with, waiting on the impossible one ? Take your time by all means, as anyone should. But if your both ready to experience something like this together..... compatibility and convenience also play a big part. Then when you know and feel comfortable doing this... let the sparks fly when it may.... and it will.
As far as who to chose ? We did both... We went with a couple first then a single male. It worked for us. That was how convience played into it for us  |
Take a good look at the above post and really let it sink in. I think there is some great merit and wisdom here.
If you have spent two years going to clubs and actively seeking playmates on websites and have been coming up empty handed the issue is probably more with your requirements or with your relationship or your level of readiness to take this step in your marriage.
The real issue in all of this is are you and your marriage ready for this and not who is the perfect couple/single. I have some news for you, you are NEVER going to find a "perfect" couple but you may have countless "compatable" people right under your nose but you don't see them because you are looking for perfection.
Don't get me wrong I am not recommending that you "settle" and I agree with an above post that said you aren't doing anyone any favors if you do it just to do it. However the real key here is what the swinging experience does to add to your own primary relationship and it is not about hand picking the most perfect couple out of the basket the first time out.
Truth be known, you really don't even know what traits and characteristics are right for you at this point. That comes with experience and at this point you don't have any experience because you have spent two years looking for rock stars.
My question to you is, is it really this important to you that you find exactly what it is that is etched into your heads of what someone "should be"? or is this two year quest because you don't feel that you or your relationship is actually ready for this step and you are using this quest for perfection as an excuse to keep putting it off?
It seems to me that you have a very specific scenario and idea of these perfect people should look like and be like in your heads and people don't come "made to order". People are what they are and either they have a basic compatability or they don't.