Originally Posted by Unregistered  Hey all, I'm a new guy here. I've just recently become interested in
swinging. First let me tell about myself. I am a 23 year old college
student living in North East Indiana. I am very interested in learning
more about swinging and possibly joining the lifestyle. I am engaged
to the most wonderful woman in the world. She is a latina BBW that is
the love of my life.
WELCOME!
The question I wanted to ask is, what is the best
way to broach the subject of swinging to your significant other. I am
worried that my fiancee will think that I do not find her attractive,
which is not the case. She is very self concious about her body and
does not beleive me when I tell her how beautiful she is. Any advice
on the best way to ease her into the idea of swining would be
appreciated.
The best way to ease her into the idea? Well, everyone else seems to have already hit on some of your other possible "problems" so I'll just go for this one. I didn't even really know what swinging was when I met Mr. Oly. I think the only reference I'd ever heard regarding swinging was on an episode of "That '70s Show". But, over the time Mr. O and I were dating, we were pretty open about our sexual desires (have you guys been sharing your fantasies all along? Otherwise, it might seem like a huge WTF if you bring this up out of the blue). I always knew from the beginning that Mr. Oly thought two girls together were hot (well, duh! I've seen my share of porn)...later I found out he thought a MFM situation would be "nifty"...over time, we both just kept divulging more and more information. I gasped with mock horror at times...but, I always knew that he had these fantasies. When he started really thinking about swinging as an option, he brought up the idea one night, showed me this board, and suddenly my horror was no longer "mock". I thought to myself..."oh shit! am I not enough for him? does he want to cheat? what will happen to our marriage?" In short, I freaked out, thought of all the things that could go wrong and all of the scary things that could've have led him to this desire, and took the whole issue as a personal attack of sorts. Then I breathed in and out and a few times, reigned in my pouty lip, and wiped the tears away. We had some of the best conversations about our relationship over those next days. We really discussed our true fantasies and what we wanted out of our sex life. So, I'd suggest sitting her down, laying it all out on the table, really explaining why you are interested in the LS and try to address all of the fears you expect she will have (guaranteed, she has some you will not expect and won't know how to field, so be prepared; don't patronize her, and take all of her fears seriously.) Don't push, don't prod, and don't try to make excuses. And don't expect her to believe that swinging is a normal way for men to get more sex without cheating...and that this is why people join the LS. For most of us, this is a couple's deal. Sure, there are singles, but most of those singles truly are "single" and are doing this for themselves and to please others. Be ready for her to completely freak out. She might cry, she might get up and walk out. When she comes back, be calm...let her ask her questions...and be honest. My husband was so adorably humble when we went through this. It was so amazing to me to hear that he wanted to do this to see me pleased...and the more we talked about it the more self-sacrificing it appeared. Of course, it's about him, too. Make no mistake...he didn't try to convince me it was all about me. But, he was honest. And he made sure I knew it was just an idea...not something we had to do or he'd be disappointed. He let me take it all in and deal with it in my own time. We took things very slowly. He's held my hand through it all and we are continuing to learn together.
I get the self-image stuff. But, if she decides she wants to do this and you both together decide that this will simply make your love life hotter and that she is just as into it as you are, then those issues will subside. My worry is that in your post, you don't mention anything about her desires. You simply say she doesn't want to have sex as much as you so you want to swing. Mr. Oly was interested in swinging because he primarily wanted to see me pleased. Swinging for you should still be about her. She should be your focus. How she feels is more important than your sexual needs right now...after all, you are about to put her before every other woman by slipping a ring around her finger.
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And I agree with everyone else...if you aren't sexually compatible, swinging ain't gonna fix nothin'...in fact, it won't be any different than cheating if she isn't right there doing the same thing for the same reasons.
Maybe you should try heating up your own bedroom before you head into anyone else's. Or are you hoping that what you do and learn in someone else's is going to heat up your's?
If she isn't into this, are you going to be okay with that? Can she satisfy you enough sexually that you won't need or even want a break during your marriage? If you answer no to either of those, then you have another issue entirely. I can honestly say that Mr. Oly probably wants sex more often than I do. But, we talk about it. And we deal with it. And we ammend the situation. That's what marriage is about, with or without swinging.
Thank you for taking the time to read this rather long
message and i look forward to further communications with you all! |