The Swingers Board - View Single Post

loveohio · 06-27-2008, 10:46 AM

Hi!

I'm new to this as well - but I too was taken aback when my husband told me over a year ago that he had that same fantasy.

I didn't know what to make of it, honestly. I didn't understand it - as I have NO desire to see him with another woman - and I couldn't understand how that would be a turn-on for him when he is otherwise possessive and can be jealous.

He constantly assured me that this wasn't his back-door approach to introducing the idea of him being with other women - and that he wasn't even sure if he'd want to join in with me and "the other guy" as he may prefer to just watch.

But I still couldn't wrap my mind around the idea and was really worried about how it might affect our relationship. Plus the whole idea that swinging went against everything I believed (as far as monogamy, morality, etc)

When I asked him about his otherwise possessive/jealous tendencies he explained to me that if I were to just go out and sleep with another man he would be devastated, but if we TOGETHER went for me to play with another man that was a different story as it was something we were doing together as part of our relationship and not anything like a betrayal to him.

Then a couple months ago, we were starting to make-out a bit and he said "tell me about the hottest one night stand you ever had". So I started describing it for him and he went nuts! We had the most passionate sex - five times that afternoon and evening. So, I thought "wow...maybe he's not kidding" lol

We played that game (me telling past stories) a few times and our sex life was like it had been when we first met - we were going at it 5, 6, 7 times a day.

Sidenote here: he had NO desire to hear about any of my past sexual experiences with guys I had a relationship with (ie emotional attachment to). He only liked to hear about the random encounters.

So, we signed up on a couple swinger sites - spent time emailing and chatting with a few guys - and went from there. We have had two experiences so far - and I have nothing but good things to say about it to date.

Hubby has not joined in yet, just watched. Which isn't as weird as I thought it would be (turns out I'm pretty preoccupied and it's easy to forget he's even there!) And our relationship is actually getting stronger than ever - in that we have opened up a whole new level of honest communication...I mean, what can you NOT talk about after something like this?! Plus we now share this delicious little secret.

He is not a bit jealous when we/I are playing - and our own sex life is off the hook now (If I'm in the mood, all I have to say now is "remember how it looked when my lips were wrapped around John's..." and BAM - hubby is tearing my clothes off and giving me the ride of my life!)

So - hopefully some of this helps you. We made a pact that we would both be brutally honest about what we did or didn't like as things went along (even crazy little things...like after our first experience he wanted to dip his finger in me and have me taste it. Yuck for me - told him that and so that's now off the table. Or when hubby asked that I spend more time being on top as it gave him a better view...so I now do that more)

And we decided upfront that if either of us ever felt uncomfortable or even thought we had changed our mind - we would back out of this immediately and regroup. Our relationship with each other is our priority and if this even looked like it was hurting us, we were out immediately.

Best of luck with whatever you decide! You are sure to get a lot of great info on this board - I spent weeks reading through every section of it when we got started!

06-27-2008, 10:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
loveohio Registered Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 9 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	Re: He opened the door... Hi! I'm new to this as well - but I too was taken aback when my husband told me over a year ago that he had that same fantasy. I didn't know what to make of it, honestly. I didn't understand it - as I have NO desire to see him with another woman - and I couldn't understand how that would be a turn-on for him when he is otherwise possessive and can be jealous. He constantly assured me that this wasn't his back-door approach to introducing the idea of him being with other women - and that he wasn't even sure if he'd want to join in with me and "the other guy" as he may prefer to just watch. But I still couldn't wrap my mind around the idea and was really worried about how it might affect our relationship. Plus the whole idea that swinging went against everything I believed (as far as monogamy, morality, etc) When I asked him about his otherwise possessive/jealous tendencies he explained to me that if I were to just go out and sleep with another man he would be devastated, but if we TOGETHER went for me to play with another man that was a different story as it was something we were doing together as part of our relationship and not anything like a betrayal to him. Then a couple months ago, we were starting to make-out a bit and he said "tell me about the hottest one night stand you ever had". So I started describing it for him and he went nuts! We had the most passionate sex - five times that afternoon and evening. So, I thought "wow...maybe he's not kidding" lol We played that game (me telling past stories) a few times and our sex life was like it had been when we first met - we were going at it 5, 6, 7 times a day. Sidenote here: he had NO desire to hear about any of my past sexual experiences with guys I had a relationship with (ie emotional attachment to). He only liked to hear about the random encounters. So, we signed up on a couple swinger sites - spent time emailing and chatting with a few guys - and went from there. We have had two experiences so far - and I have nothing but good things to say about it to date. Hubby has not joined in yet, just watched. Which isn't as weird as I thought it would be (turns out I'm pretty preoccupied and it's easy to forget he's even there!) And our relationship is actually getting stronger than ever - in that we have opened up a whole new level of honest communication...I mean, what can you NOT talk about after something like this?! Plus we now share this delicious little secret. He is not a bit jealous when we/I are playing - and our own sex life is off the hook now (If I'm in the mood, all I have to say now is "remember how it looked when my lips were wrapped around John's..." and BAM - hubby is tearing my clothes off and giving me the ride of my life!) So - hopefully some of this helps you. We made a pact that we would both be brutally honest about what we did or didn't like as things went along (even crazy little things...like after our first experience he wanted to dip his finger in me and have me taste it. Yuck for me - told him that and so that's now off the table. Or when hubby asked that I spend more time being on top as it gave him a better view...so I now do that more) And we decided upfront that if either of us ever felt uncomfortable or even thought we had changed our mind - we would back out of this immediately and regroup. Our relationship with each other is our priority and if this even looked like it was hurting us, we were out immediately. Best of luck with whatever you decide! You are sure to get a lot of great info on this board - I spent weeks reading through every section of it when we got started!