The Swingers Board - View Single Post

iapr · 06-21-2008, 11:07 AM

Welcome to the boards. I hope you stick around and share your thoughts and experiences with the rest of us as your grow and explore in the lifestyle.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you have a healthy interest in exploring the lifestyle. You are also good at expressing yourself and able to communicate your interests and concerns well so I hope you stick around and become a regular poster.

I'll try and address some of your specific concerns and questions. If you are serious about exploring the lifestyle the time to start is now and not wait untill you have the perfect bodies. If you wait untill you are hardbodies or wait untill you are 100% comfortable with everything you will spend the rest of your lives waiting.

Here are some things I have learned about weight issues. #1 we all have them and noone is ever 100% satisfied with their bodies so get over that and get out and start having fun with everyone else that has issues over their body. Also as a female, if you have a perfect body you will intimidate and scare away a lot more people than you will turn off by being a few lbs overwieght. Men and women are very forgiving of females being overweight in the lifestyle. HOWEVER that consideration does not apply to men. while both males and females are forgiving of female extra padding, women are very UNforgiving of obesity in males. If your husband is significantly overweight and he wants to play with other women a gym membership and a change in diet will be time and energy well spent.

I also want to address something you said about rules (" we want to set a lot of rules to make sure it goes as smooth as possible") The truth is that a lot of rules actually makes things go LESS smooth. The more rules you have will make you spend your time and energy in enforcing rules and trying to keep them all straight rather than making things go smoothly. Find a few things that are absolute ie condoms, being safe and responsible, playing together etc and then let the rest be determined by your mood and comfort level. (see some of the countless threads about rules)

As far as the best way to get into the lifestyle I would recommend both of you reading as much on these boards together as you possibly can and read the 'Experiences' and read both the good and the bad so you can see what is going on out there.

When you decide the time has come to take this out of the fantasy realm and into reality I always recommend lifestyle clubs as good first step. Clubs are typically safe and no-pressure and you get to meet real life human beings in real life as opposed to strokes on a keyboard. You will know in seconds if you are attracted to someone or not and will know in minutes if they are the kind of people you want to be around. After that it is just a matter of getting the right chemistry and comfort level to take things into the physical realm.

You are correct, swinging is not for everyone. There is a reason the vast majority of the earth's population is vanilla. however for the right couple, doing the right things for the right reasons it can and often is a wonderfull and enlightening experience. Someone else (I wish I remember who) said on this board that swinging is like the wind and your marriage is like a fire. If the fire is strong and burning well to begin with the wind will make it burn hotter and more intense. But if the fire is weak and flickering the wind will just snuff it out. SO TRUE.

Next question. No. The vast majority of swingers definately do NOT have awesome bodies. Stop watching porn, it isn't real. Real swingers are real people with real bulges and rolls, real receding hairlines, real stretchmarks and real insecurities and issues. Unless you are somehow diseased, deformed or truly disfigured your biggest challenge will be in finding people that you are both interested in, not in finding people that will have you.

As far as modesty you can be as modest or as brazen as you like. It's all about comfort and pursueing your interests. If I could find a way to shower fully dressed I would. I would rather stick sharp objects in my eyes than go to a nude beach but my modesty has never stopped me from getting nekid and mashing flesh with the that I am comfortable with and who are comfortable with me.

There is no way to know when you are 100% ready untill you get out into the real world and meet real people face to face. You sound like have a healthy grasp of what you are all about and that you have a healthy relationship to begin with and that is the most important thing.

Keep us up on how your journey is going!!!

06-21-2008, 11:07 AM	#4 (permalink)
iapr Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 641 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Hello!!! :) & Questions Welcome to the boards. I hope you stick around and share your thoughts and experiences with the rest of us as your grow and explore in the lifestyle. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and that you have a healthy interest in exploring the lifestyle. You are also good at expressing yourself and able to communicate your interests and concerns well so I hope you stick around and become a regular poster. I'll try and address some of your specific concerns and questions. If you are serious about exploring the lifestyle the time to start is now and not wait untill you have the perfect bodies. If you wait untill you are hardbodies or wait untill you are 100% comfortable with everything you will spend the rest of your lives waiting. Here are some things I have learned about weight issues. #1 we all have them and noone is ever 100% satisfied with their bodies so get over that and get out and start having fun with everyone else that has issues over their body. Also as a female, if you have a perfect body you will intimidate and scare away a lot more people than you will turn off by being a few lbs overwieght. Men and women are very forgiving of females being overweight in the lifestyle. HOWEVER that consideration does not apply to men. while both males and females are forgiving of female extra padding, women are very UNforgiving of obesity in males. If your husband is significantly overweight and he wants to play with other women a gym membership and a change in diet will be time and energy well spent. I also want to address something you said about rules (" we want to set a lot of rules to make sure it goes as smooth as possible") The truth is that a lot of rules actually makes things go LESS smooth. The more rules you have will make you spend your time and energy in enforcing rules and trying to keep them all straight rather than making things go smoothly. Find a few things that are absolute ie condoms, being safe and responsible, playing together etc and then let the rest be determined by your mood and comfort level. (see some of the countless threads about rules) As far as the best way to get into the lifestyle I would recommend both of you reading as much on these boards together as you possibly can and read the 'Experiences' and read both the good and the bad so you can see what is going on out there. When you decide the time has come to take this out of the fantasy realm and into reality I always recommend lifestyle clubs as good first step. Clubs are typically safe and no-pressure and you get to meet real life human beings in real life as opposed to strokes on a keyboard. You will know in seconds if you are attracted to someone or not and will know in minutes if they are the kind of people you want to be around. After that it is just a matter of getting the right chemistry and comfort level to take things into the physical realm. You are correct, swinging is not for everyone. There is a reason the vast majority of the earth's population is vanilla. however for the right couple, doing the right things for the right reasons it can and often is a wonderfull and enlightening experience. Someone else (I wish I remember who) said on this board that swinging is like the wind and your marriage is like a fire. If the fire is strong and burning well to begin with the wind will make it burn hotter and more intense. But if the fire is weak and flickering the wind will just snuff it out. SO TRUE. Next question. No. The vast majority of swingers definately do NOT have awesome bodies. Stop watching porn, it isn't real. Real swingers are real people with real bulges and rolls, real receding hairlines, real stretchmarks and real insecurities and issues. Unless you are somehow diseased, deformed or truly disfigured your biggest challenge will be in finding people that you are both interested in, not in finding people that will have you. As far as modesty you can be as modest or as brazen as you like. It's all about comfort and pursueing your interests. If I could find a way to shower fully dressed I would. I would rather stick sharp objects in my eyes than go to a nude beach but my modesty has never stopped me from getting nekid and mashing flesh with the that I am comfortable with and who are comfortable with me. There is no way to know when you are 100% ready untill you get out into the real world and meet real people face to face. You sound like have a healthy grasp of what you are all about and that you have a healthy relationship to begin with and that is the most important thing. Keep us up on how your journey is going!!!