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SnowwwWhite · 06-21-2008, 09:06 AM

Hi shags, that's exactly what I told my SO when I first started to warm up to the idea of swinging. After we spent some time at strip clubs paying for private lap dances I started to feel more comfortable being in the same room with naked women and seeing him get excited by looking at and touching someone other than me. But I hadn't reached the level where I could handle seeing him having sex with someone else, or even me having sex with other men. So I told him that we could start going to parties or clubs as voyeurs/exhibitionists.

We haven't gone yet due to some issues within the relationship but I look forward to the time when we will. I also feel it will be just a matter of time before we get more involved in swinging and more comfortable with stepping things up a notch (or two!).

Here's the thing to remember: Don't ever feel self-conscious about only wanting to be voyeurs or exhibitionists. It's all about YOUR comfort level and YOUR boundaries. If anyone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about your choices, they are not the kind of people you want to play with. Good people understand what it's like to be a newbie and will respect that you're still working things out. They won't want you to do anything that will jeopardize your relationship. And they'll continue to respect your decision if you're still only soft swapping 10 years from now. Some of them may eventually decide to play with other partners who are into full swap but they won't try to guilt you into doing something that's not right for you. They'll accept it and either compromise or move on.

So go ahead and find some parties or clubs where you and your wife can explore the possibilities. Don't worry about "being a fit for everyone." Sure, there will be couples who will pass you by or maybe even act frustrated. But there are plenty of people who will enjoy what you have to offer and welcome you. I know I'd be one of them.

As a courtesy, just be sure to always communicate your boundaries with other couples up front. You don't want to monopolize their time and then surprise them with your rules when it's too late for them to find another couple to play with.

06-21-2008, 09:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
SnowwwWhite Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 101 Location: Home Status: Female	Re: Are we in the right place? Hi shags, that's exactly what I told my SO when I first started to warm up to the idea of swinging. After we spent some time at strip clubs paying for private lap dances I started to feel more comfortable being in the same room with naked women and seeing him get excited by looking at and touching someone other than me. But I hadn't reached the level where I could handle seeing him having sex with someone else, or even me having sex with other men. So I told him that we could start going to parties or clubs as voyeurs/exhibitionists. We haven't gone yet due to some issues within the relationship but I look forward to the time when we will. I also feel it will be just a matter of time before we get more involved in swinging and more comfortable with stepping things up a notch (or two!). Here's the thing to remember: Don't ever feel self-conscious about only wanting to be voyeurs or exhibitionists. It's all about YOUR comfort level and YOUR boundaries. If anyone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about your choices, they are not the kind of people you want to play with. Good people understand what it's like to be a newbie and will respect that you're still working things out. They won't want you to do anything that will jeopardize your relationship. And they'll continue to respect your decision if you're still only soft swapping 10 years from now. Some of them may eventually decide to play with other partners who are into full swap but they won't try to guilt you into doing something that's not right for you. They'll accept it and either compromise or move on. So go ahead and find some parties or clubs where you and your wife can explore the possibilities. Don't worry about "being a fit for everyone." Sure, there will be couples who will pass you by or maybe even act frustrated. But there are plenty of people who will enjoy what you have to offer and welcome you. I know I'd be one of them. As a courtesy, just be sure to always communicate your boundaries with other couples up front. You don't want to monopolize their time and then surprise them with your rules when it's too late for them to find another couple to play with.