[funcpl4life]

This gives me the golly-wobbles. I just can't imagine acting like that.
With women, I generally avoid initiating touch. I tend to offer a left hand palm up and cradled. This is a purposefully awkward touch that they can withdraw quickly or slide to something more permanent. If just the right circumstances brew up, I'll offer an arm for them to take. (It can be really hokey or really sweet, gotta catch the moment.) After that, the dance is pretty easy and familiar.
If I *have* to initiate touch with a woman, it's usually either the very point of the shoulder, the elbow or the back of the hand. All four fingers are placed softly, removed after a full second and followed by immediate eye contact and conversation.
This all seems very elaborate, but it falls under "how to be non-threatening when you are big and scary-looking".

When touched inappropriately, I usually resort to "the stink eye" first. Looking reproachfully at the spot where I am being/was touched and then at the toucher. If this doesn't elicit the "burned finger" drawback or a very bashful look within a second or so, I'll resort to "do you want to take that back", "is that yours", "parden you" or other humorous version of "no". Lack of immediate response generates a very stiff "no thank you" and my own burned finger drawback. Any acknowledgement at this point and it's over and walkawaynodrama. If all of this fails, I return the offending body part to its owner (well 'cause I can) and notify significant other, friend, security, responsible party. (this has happened outside of swinging, too) They are obviously incapable of understanding their own actions. (drama can be minimized but is unavoidable at this point)
I'm not a real touch-me-not and I'm not all that hot and I'm a guy. If this happens enough to *me* for me to have a plan, shouldn't everyone?
Mr. FC4L