[sexcupid]

A few issues I saw in your post:

Hubby being off his meds. Yes, they are a pita...but if they help, they help...and sometimes people stop taking them because they are working and they think they can deal. With you being a nurse, maybe you see this type of thing happen (say someone that stops taking BP meds because their BP is now 'normal' or something of the like).

If you feel you have gone as far as you can with a couples counselor, then go to individual counseling.

If it makes you more comfortable...look for a certified sex therapist (AASECT)...you can flat out ask if they are lifestyle friendly. If they aren't, call another one.

It doesn't matter that the affair ended in 2005...grief/rebuilding trust can take a while.

This is my unprofessional take on it: you basically created a situation where sex with others was out in the open...many people might assume that would 'affair proof' their relationship because monogamy is not being enforced. When that (potential) theory came crumbling down, it really rocked you to the core. I mean, the affair lasted a year and a half and was over and done when you found out about it. So, you have a hubby that cheated on you, even when there was basically an 'open bedroom' policy.

On some levels, I can see being more upset about it than someone who was expecting a monogamous relationship (yet in no way am I trying to belittle that experience, been there, done that, burned the t-shirt lol).

Even though you may not be 'talk about it people', after being in therapy for a year, your therapist should have taught you good communication techniques. Use them. One partner being hurt or upset by something and basically being told by the other partner 'well it's only because she's prettier'. Yes, it may be your 'issue' so to speak...but him trying to minimize you feelings doesn't help the situation.

Go back to therapy...individual and probably some general follow up couples counseling wouldn't be out of line either.

Good luck!