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but we aren't the "talk about it" kind of couple.
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I think you might need to be that kind of couple to work through things.
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I am afraid of fully letting my guard down for fear of being hurt again. Strangely enough, our relationship is actually better since his affair and he is a better, kinder and more loving husband. I've actually said, "If it took an affair and the pain it caused at that time for us to live the rest of our lives together in a better and happier and more loving way, then it was worth it."
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Healing takes time. Sometimes a LONG time. Keep reminding yourself that things are so much better that the cost was worth it.
Are you bi? If yes, maybe you can find a way to do more of a foursum and not swap?