[IndyNurse]

Julie, I appreciate your honesty and you're right - I am okay with me having my cake and I guess I'm holding a grudge and don't want him to have any more cake. We stopped counseling about a year after the affair because we had pretty much talked it to death and it was just a matter of working through things day-by-day and rebuilding and re-establishing our relationship. He did stop his meds about a year ago which I was a little upset about, but I am greatly in tune with his moods and I believe he monitors himself very closely. The trust issue is MINE - and it's more about my own insecurity. Sadly, that damn issue is keeping me from fully embracing the relationship we have now which is better than it ever was; I am afraid of fully letting my guard down for fear of being hurt again. Strangely enough, our relationship is actually better since his affair and he is a better, kinder and more loving husband. I've actually said, "If it took an affair and the pain it caused at that time for us to live the rest of our lives together in a better and happier and more loving way, then it was worth it." (Perhaps he needed to see that the grass wasn't greener.) And when I say we're not "talk about it" people, we don't come home after a night at the club and discuss what happened. Thanks for the response. It will be interesting to see what others post.