Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet  Recently something happenned that was somewhat minor, that motivated this post. I met this couple the Mrs. has known for years, and we were in a large group setting / atmosphere with other lifestyle couples around. The male half of this couple was very forward, and it seemed like at the time his body language and mannerisms were just from someone that was screwing with my head. It wasn't the fact that he was kissing my wife or feeling her up. I don't know what it was that made me pick up on the fact that he was screwing with my head, and at the time I didn't really know how to point this out without looking like an ass. |
He wasn't "screwing with your head",
he was testing you. You're new to the group, and this is his way of asserting dominance within that group, letting you know that no matter who feeds your wife and cares for her, HE'S the alpha-dog, and has (and will continue to) copulate with her at will.
Let me guess.......this person is probably a little bigger than you, maybe a little more physically imposing, and has stronger ties within the group, correct? Doing this in front of everybody reasserts his position as alpha-dog to them, as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet So I ignored it, and after-all it was just kissing and feeling her up. At this point, I knew it wasn't going beyond that, so don't worry about it was my attitude. |
That was the wrong thing to do. You should have challenged him. I don't mean to a fight (although that's how these things often end up in vanilla bars) but looked him dead square in the eye and said, in as cold and expressionless of a tone as you could muster, "That's enough" Say nothing more, you're not entering a negotiation or a dialogue. There's no need to curse, raise your voice, or make threats. With assholes like this you simply have to draw the line one time, but you MUST do it convincingly. Do so once, and you probably won't have to do it again, ever.
As it now stands, you will probably have to do it at some point in the future, most likely when he's feeling his status slipping within the group.QUOTE=ownerspet;324425]Then, something happenned to alleviate the pressure that probably wouldn't happen in any similar situations. He looked at me right in front of my wife, and told me that he was just kissing my wife and feeling her up to f--- with me. [/quote] This is where a nice right cross or roundhouse kick can be effective. As he's instinctively reaching up to his bloody face to see if his teeth are still where they were when he left the house, you say...
"Sooooo, 'just fucking with me,' eh? Well, back at ya, pal!" and offer your hand in friendship.
Well, not really, but it would be nice.
The big question I have is, "Where in the HELL was your wife while all this was going on?" Couldn't she see (or sense) your obvious discomfort with all this? What's her problem? SHE should have been the one putting a stop to his actions. Why did she let this proceed?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet So my instinct was definitly right. While it wasn't going to a more involved play situation, I'm sure this is just one of many uncomfortable situations that you or other lifestyle couples end up in. So my question for couples is: |
Well, yes and no. We don't have many "uncomfortable situations" in the lifestyle. If we did, we'd find another lifestyle. This is supposed to be
fun.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet "What type of things do you do or say to let your significant other know there is something wrong in any uncomfortable situation in a group setting, without making a scene or an ass of yourself, and to not ruin the mood for everyone else in the group? |
If somebody is deliberately making me uncomfortable ("fucking with me head" as you put it) worry about "making a scene" is the last thing I'm concerned with. Do whatever you have to do to put a stop to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet Do you use hand signals? |
You shouldn't have to use hand signals. Your partner should be able to tell by the look on your face that you're not cool with the situation. If she needs a "hand signal" I suggest an upraised thumb, motioning towards the door. You're not ready for this, and you need to get her ass out of there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ownerspet I don't think anyone wants to look like they're at the center of drama by causing a scene (especially if you may be interested in others in the group). |
When people step out of line by taking liberties with your woman (like this guy did) they've already created "drama." The only question is "How will YOU respond to it?"