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Originally Posted by sexychoclit  The couple that I am currently with is one that I have been with off and on for almost four years. The husband and I used to talk at least 2 - 3 times per day and if we weren't talking we were chatting on line. I would visit the couple about 1 - 2 times per month. I used to live 2 hours away from them but now I am over 3 hours away from them. We would (and still) go on vacations together and they have both come and visited me in S.C. It can make for a wonderful experience but it can also be a stressful one.
I say this because I have to please two people. If she is mad at him, I hear about it. On the otherhand, if he is mad with her I hear about it. If there is something going on with the children, I hear about it. |
This is interesting to hear from "the other person" point of view. You have to remain neutral and not take sides. This has to be tough situation to be in sometimes.
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I mention all of this to say, yes, it is understandable that you have affection and it sounds like you are emotionally tied to the other woman. I can see how it would be difficult to feel the same for other women. Maybe it's because you feel that you have all that you need in your wife and the other woman. That is a great thing as long as it doesn't effect the relationship that you have with your wife.
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An that it never would. We've been in the lifestyle for more than a few years now and are by no means newbies or having first-time crushes. In fact, although I've enjoyed many women in the lifestyle, this one kind of blindsided me two years ago when we first met. I've had a bond to her, and her to me since that day. We've never acted on it outside of becoming good friends because she's not in the place in her head where she wants more than one boyfriend. I think in reality what she would really like, and what she needs more, is a girlfriend to fill in the gaps.
With all that is going on in our life right now I've lost allot of interest in swinging because I just don't seem to have the time for myself much less others. She's still my friend, we still talk every day either on the phone, via text or on IM. I think I'm just worn-out and where my feelings for her were never an issue before with swinging, I just don't have anything left right now and like you said, Mrs. WS and she are all I need emotionally and physically right now.
Would it effect my relationship with my wife? Never. Like I said, we're not greenhorns to swinging or to polyamory. In fact, Mrs. WS loves her as a friend and loves her for what she brings to my life.
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Now, here is the stinger. I realize that I am attracted to the husband because I don't HAVE to deal with him on a daily basis. We don't have a mortgage, car payment, other debts or kids together. If he gets pissed off for some reason at me, I don't have to see or talk to him until he gets over it and the same goes for him. If I were married to him it is quite possible that I wouldn't like him at all.
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I think this is a very true quote for many relationships, especially non-swinging ones where a spouse leaves their partner for another person. It's all fairytale and sunshine and glitter-rain until you have to wake-up next to them every day.
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I have been with two other couples and they didn't compare to the couple that I date. Its not that the sex wasn't good, just other things were off.
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It's been this way with us and single men. Our first poly experience with a steady boyfriend for Mrs. WS set the bar too high for other men. He is the benchmark by which they all are compared to, and none have measured-up since.
Mr. WS