I think that your going to have to back up and accept some of the responsibility here. Agreed your bf should not have broken the rules, especially the "condom" rule, but you sent him on a fantasy adventure with a lady that he had sex with before, and obviously enjoyed it then.
If you don't want things like that to happen, don't set them up to happen. At least if you suspect it might happen, re-visit the rules with your bf before he goes. Explain your expectations.
In my mind your bf did not cheat on you. I'm sure you were aware of what would happen. These two people have had sex before, and they are now in Las Vegas. They are going to have sex again.
Now you have a few choices to make. One you definately need to make is to make sure your bf knows the rules, the rule he broke about condoms and that knows this is his last chance. You need to make a statement.
We have a couple of friends that I do not have much chemistry with the woman. My wife enjoys the man. I go with the flow because my wife is having a good time. You don't have to have chemistry with someone to have sex with them.
But I really think that your main focus should be on your jealousy. In all honesty I think this is the underlying issue in this whole situation, and situations to come. But it's OK to be jealous. It really is, but you need to understand what the emotion is and how to control or redirect it for yourself. Otherwise you may never have "chemistry" with another male when swinging.
I'm not saying this is your problem alone, there are many factors and variables involved, but only you can deal with it for you. Power comes in understanding yourself and taking control.
I think once you do this, that you'll probably decide later the "Condom" isn't as big an issue as you might think it is right now.
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