I think there are a number of reasons, but rpu2 hit on the big ones:
- Many swingers feel threatened by anything past casual sex, and
- People have lives outside of swinging
I think even those with the best intentions of keeping in touch simply can't because real life is so busy. We find it hard to keep in touch with friends because both of us work and we have three kids and all the stuff that comes with them. Most of the time it's hard enough to find time for ourselves much less others. You'd think with all the ways to keep in touch these days it'd be easier, but it actually seems all the avenues of communication just eat-up more of our time with non-essential stuff. I think I use text messaging with friends more than anything because I can do it quickly and anywhere.
We've found also, that many swingers feel threatened by any kind of relationship forming, and even many of the "friends first" ones seem to be "We'll go on several dates and become friends, at least until we fuck you than we'll go find another couple to be 'friends first' with." I can't count the number of times we've had a real connection with couples and we see each other for months than it just sort of dissipates away and the next thing you know they are exclusive with another couple. Kind of serial-committed-swinging.
We had a party at our house a few months ago and in the course of discussion the topic turned toward polyamory and quasi-poly relationships and forming some kind of bond sometimes with someone else, and I was not only surprised, but actually shocked at the way some couples (or at least one of the members of the couple) were taken aback by our thoughts on it. A few of them freaked-out and stopped short of calling us "marriage wreckers" and loudly professed that "No way would we ever allow any relationship to develop with anyone else." Now I know that everyone has their comfort zone, and man simply don't want anything past "friends with benefits" or just fuck-buddies, but their reaction was a big red flag for us regarding ever playing with them in any fashion. The jealousy and the drama just began to show through and we hadn't even done anything yet.
We've discovered though that there is a large percentage of swingers who are here for the "friends with benefits", which is good for us, too. Casual sex is good, friends you can have casual sex with on occasion is even better. Remember, friends who care, share.
Mr. WS