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What I am looking for is to find out some specific reasons why you have turned down or not responded to perfectly nice couples that are of your desired age range and are of your stated play preference.
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By our way of thinking, it
never happens. Please don't take it the wrong way, but it may be that you want to argue with people's reasons, rather than accept their choices. (i.e. if only they understood, they would agree...) Short of lying from the start, there is likely NOTHING you could do to get a different answer in most cases.
What exactly do you mean by "perfectly nice"? If the attraction is nice, the communication is nice, and they are nicely within our desired preferences, as you say, we
wouldn't turn them down.
After all, it's all about what is nice
to you. Our best advice is to be true to yourselves, honest with others, and content with each other. Put your best foot forward in your profile, of course, but the key to having fun in the lifestyle is in being yourself.
Rejection isn't "failure" if they are rejecting you because of something accurate. In fact, it's a kind of success. For instance, you two say in your profile you don't want married guys who play alone with their spouse's permission. If we rejected you because we read that, it wouldn't be something to "fix" - it would be a good thing, right? Some couples don't want to play with other couples who won't play with solo guys. Why either couple feels the way they do is irrelevant, but neither couple should compromise their desires if it is indeed how they feel.