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Fire_and_Air · 04-08-2003, 02:08 PM

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for helping me put this into better perspective. We do realize that we have made many poor judgements and bad decisions, and now will be the wiser for it. I guess this experience has been part of our growing pains for being new swingers.

I also realize that part of our problem from the beginning was that I was very attracted to the other girl (the attraction was not only between my bf and her), and so I had ignored the initial red flags regarding the couple's fighting. Now we know better than to be blinded by partial lust, and to only play if all 4 are equally into each other.

And regarding how I felt with the other male, I had had such a great friendship with him that I had really hoped the attraction and sexual chemistry would develop over time. I learned the hard way that Julie is correct - you can't create sexual chemistry where there was none to begin with, no matter how strong your (platonic) relationship is.

My bf and I did have many, many discussions about everything that happened - sometimes resulting in nights of lost sleep - and I do feel reassured now that what happened regarding the no-condom use was really just a heat-of-the-moment stupidity, and nothing more, nothing deeper... he had also been drunk at the time. Thank you, Nymph & Satyr, for sharing your personal experiences on similar "heat of the moment" mistakes in your own swinging past.... I feel better knowing that it does happen to other couples, and that you've had better swinging experiences since.

I am glad that my bf has been honest with me throughout, though, and he has shown a lot of regret over what happened, so we are ready to move on to better times. We've also decided to end our friendhip with the other couple for now... I realize that it is the only way for me to get over the hurt feelings that pop up every now and then. Also, like Lori, I don't think I could ever be that comfortable being friends with someone who can be dishonest in such a sensitive situation, no matter how attracted I am to the person.

Thanks again for such great advice and for listening.... these great forums have helped me through some very tricky moments, and I hope our learning experiences can help others too.

- Fire_and_Air, the female half

04-08-2003, 02:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
Fire_and_Air Active Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 45 Location: California Status: Couple / Female	Hi everyone, Thank you so much for helping me put this into better perspective. We do realize that we have made many poor judgements and bad decisions, and now will be the wiser for it. I guess this experience has been part of our growing pains for being new swingers. I also realize that part of our problem from the beginning was that I was very attracted to the other girl (the attraction was not only between my bf and her), and so I had ignored the initial red flags regarding the couple's fighting. Now we know better than to be blinded by partial lust, and to only play if all 4 are equally into each other. And regarding how I felt with the other male, I had had such a great friendship with him that I had really hoped the attraction and sexual chemistry would develop over time. I learned the hard way that Julie is correct - you can't create sexual chemistry where there was none to begin with, no matter how strong your (platonic) relationship is. My bf and I did have many, many discussions about everything that happened - sometimes resulting in nights of lost sleep - and I do feel reassured now that what happened regarding the no-condom use was really just a heat-of-the-moment stupidity, and nothing more, nothing deeper... he had also been drunk at the time. Thank you, Nymph & Satyr, for sharing your personal experiences on similar "heat of the moment" mistakes in your own swinging past.... I feel better knowing that it does happen to other couples, and that you've had better swinging experiences since. I am glad that my bf has been honest with me throughout, though, and he has shown a lot of regret over what happened, so we are ready to move on to better times. We've also decided to end our friendhip with the other couple for now... I realize that it is the only way for me to get over the hurt feelings that pop up every now and then. Also, like Lori, I don't think I could ever be that comfortable being friends with someone who can be dishonest in such a sensitive situation, no matter how attracted I am to the person. Thanks again for such great advice and for listening.... these great forums have helped me through some very tricky moments, and I hope our learning experiences can help others too. - Fire_and_Air, the female half
	Last edited by Fire_and_Air; 04-08-2003 at 02:13 PM.