I have to agree that saying he cheated is a bit too much. From reading your recounting of what happened, I got the idea initially that you had given him permission to have sex with her. First, by sending her on a trip with him when you weren't there, and second by saying that he could play with her, and not providing specific limits on what that meant.
Granted, I assume your rules had been discussed previously, but I think it is understandable that he might have taken the permission you gave him to be more than what you intended. That said, the one area he was totally wrong on was the no condom issue. Although, we all know how easy it can be to get caught up in a moment and lose track of things.
At this point, if you want to continue with him, you need to forgive him and move on. It might be best to completely seperate yourself from these friends simply because of what happened and because as long as they are around you, you will be reminded of what happened and those jealous feelings will crop up again.
While we can't undue the past, I can see several red flags in what happened to you that I hope you have noticed as well and learned from.
1. When you found yourself in an uncomfortable position, you allowed it to continue rather than stopping things.
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We began by switching partners (in the same room), and lo and behold, as my bf and the other girl began kissing, and I did the same with the other man, I discovered that I was not enjoying the kiss, and there didn't seem to be any chemistry between myself and the man; at least on my end. I thought it was a case of nerves and the newness of it all, so I just threw myself into it and tried to make the best that I could out of it,
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2. Despite knowing that there was no sexual chemistry you decided to attempt swinging with this couple again. Chemistry can't be created or changed. It wasn't there to begin with, it wasn't going to show up later.
3. Swinging or even thinking about swinging while you are having problems with your current partner is not a good idea.
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The weekend I was away, a good friend of my bf's invited him along with other friends to go to Vegas. I encouraged him to go and have a good time. Around that time, the other couple had been fighting, and the other girl seemed depressed and lonely because her bf had been extremely busy with work and couldn't spend much time with her.
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She was upset at her bf, and you sent her off with yours. It's entirely likely that the fact that she was upset with him was part of what led to the encounter with your boyfriend (along with him thinking he had the ok anyway). Not to mention that I can't see that the idea of sending them off together without you or her bf was a good idea to begin with.