We have been doing this for many, many years. We have had "dry spells" and when we look at them we have found it was what we are doing, not what others are doing. We know for a fact you get out of it what you put into it and at times we just don't put into what we should for it to be the way we want it to be. Takes a lot to look at yourself and see that at times though. Been there a few times and it is always very hard to look at yourself and see it is you that is the problem.
MOST of the people that play this lifestyle on the Internet are not IN this lifestyle. It is an on line fantasy to them and they don't follow through.
We swing for the sex. We have made friends but never go looking for them. There are very, very few people that we have had sex with that we had sex with them a second time. It was nothing personal or anything they said or did in most cases, we just are not looking to keep having sex with the same people. That is what we have each other for, regular sex that we love!
There are people that we have had sex with that we see every weekend at the club that we have never had sex with again and some that we hook up with again maybe every six months or a year apart. It is new again and works for them and us. There has never been any hard feelings about not having sex when we see them or anything else.
There are certain people out there or groups that do just what your looking for but in our experience, most do not. They don't want to be there for you when you want them. They are in it the same way many are, for the fun and move on.
You don't want to sit for hours talking, dancing and drinking. Don't do that then. Go to the club, find people you are attracted to, talk to them a bit, get to the point and if it does not click move on to the next ones. That is the great thing about most clubs, there are many choices available to you in one night.
Don't do the things you don't want to do. Get out and do the things you do want to do. Think about what you are looking for though. Many are not going to want to be your "friends" and be there week after week or what ever . Many of those that do play want to play with others and new people when they can.
Just because others like to play the dating game, talk, laugh, drink and dance does not mean they are in the 10th grade, they are doing what is working for them.
I would suggest doing just what works for you, stop worrying about what others do and stop judging them for what works for them. It appears to spend a fair amount of time worrying about what is not working and not working on the things that do work for you.
Let it go and have some fun. Spell it out more just what you want on your profiles if you want to play the Internet game. Go to the clubs, get down to business and find what it is you want. Keep it simple.
You said yourself, you over think things. Don't. This is not really something you need to think about that hard.