[JandCMI]

This is a rant. Apologies in advance for the length and any rambling.

First, I need to say that we have had a lot of fun in various sexual encounters with other people (that is the point of this, after all). For us, the lifestyle can be a huge confidence booster and can make you feel very good about yourself. This is why we keep trying. I know it isn't a perfect world and things don't always work the way they should, but we have had enjoyable experiences and hope to have more in the future. But, more times than not, we have found the lifestyle frustrating and infuriating.

We are both young(er) and, by most standards, decent looking. My wife has a wonderful and upbeat personality and is quite disarming. She is always the first to take their clothes off and readily lets people know that. I am more reserved than she is and probably think too much for my own good, but am not threatening or pushy in any way. We have been in the lifestyle for almost six years. We know exactly what we want and are very clear about it in our Swing Lifestyle profile and when we talk to other people. We realize that not everyone has their shit as together as we do so we improvise and roll with the punches. We simply want to meet people (not necessarily exclusive) that we can get together with on a semi-regular basis. That's it. At best we have had modest success at times (we knew one couple that we met with for a time but she got pregnant and that was the end of that). For the most part, we still haven't found what we are looking for. Honestly, in how many other facets of life would one keep trying to do something for six years that they keep failing at?

Just like swinging can give you tremendous confidence and an ego boost, it just as easily gives me crushing blows to my ego and destroys my confidence. When you play with a couple that you think you hit it off with well, you feel great. When that same couple dismisses you when you approach them about meeting again (without so much as any kind of explanation or a "no thanks, it didn't work for us") and then just stops talking to you in general, it makes you - maybe not you, but me - have serious questions about yourself. Yes, I know couples that do this could have a whole host of reasons unrelated to me/us, but the fact is that I question myself and I wonder what I did wrong. What the hell did I say this time? Did I not fuck her good enough? Is my dick too small? Did he not find my wife attractive enough? Did she do something wrong? If people in the lifestyle would actually act like adults and communicate with each other, people wouldn't have to ask themselves these kinds of questions. A lot of confidence could be spared.

Which brings me to the next reason I hate the lifestyle. Nobody knows how to communicate. When we first got into the lifestyle, this board and the people who posted on it were a tremendous help. We lurked for a long time reading the posts and one theme resonated - communication. Of course, it seems that the only people that communication is recommended for are newbies. It's almost like once you communicate with each other about getting in the lifestyle, communication with others is unnecessary. Nobody talks to each other. If they don't want to get together with you, they just ignore you. If they were offended by something you said/did, they ignore you. Yes means no, no means yes, maybe means fuck you. You are just left to "get the hint", which is lame.

Example: there is this couple we have seen at the club a few times and have talked to both in person and online. Last week we emailed and asked them if they wanted to get together last Friday. They emailed back that they were free and wanted to get together. We replied back asking if they preferred dinner/drinks/whatever and gave them our number and said to call us to hammer it out. Do you think we ever heard back from them either by email or phone? This one we chalk up to them being idiots, but instead of them just saying "no thanks, we're busy", now we think they are morons and have no desire to deal with them if we see them again. It's a great example how a failure to communicate has put an early end to what could have been a good friendship.

And then there is trying to meet people. Swing Lifestyle is a joke, considering that for every 100 messages you send out, you MAY get 3 replies and of those 3, you're lucky if one of them turns into a real meeting. Going to the clubs is just as bad. It seems that people are more interested in going to the clubs as a fun night out and for the atmosphere then they are in seeking out people to have sex with. Maybe I'm looking at the clubs sardonically, but we gave up the dating game when we got married. We don't go to the clubs to engage in courtship rituals and to act like we're single again - we go to find sex.

I used to try and just brush these things off, but it gets hard when they happen consistently and often over the course of six years. The lifestyle has made me question myself, given me reason to lose confidence and frustrated the hell out of me. Another great example is when I read stories or posts on this board about people having regular play partners and raving about how happy they are with those situations, I start to wonder "what the hell are they doing right and what the hell are we doing wrong?" Again, it starts to be a confidence killer.

Anyhow, thanks for reading. I guess my only hope from posting this is that someone else on this board feels (or has felt) the same way and can offer something helpful or insightful. We will still keep plugging away sending Swing Lifestyle emails and going to clubs and trying to meet people but it's just seeming less and less worth it to us as time goes on.