[Fire_and_Air]

Hi everyone, my fiance and I entered the swinging lifestyle about a year ago, out of the curiosity and desire to explore what playing with other couples and women would be like (I was bi-curious at that time). We had been together for many years, since high school, and therefore had VERY limited experience with other partners. So, we thought it would be fun and sexy to explore this option together.

Last spring we met a nice couple at a party, who was also new to swinging, and as there was definitely a mutual attraction between the female half of the couple and myself - she and I played a little at the party - and we all seemed to hit it off pretty well, we decided to get together and play after meeting for dinner one night.

We began by switching partners (in the same room), and lo and behold, as my bf and the other girl began kissing, and I did the same with the other man, I discovered that I was not enjoying the kiss, and there didn't seem to be any chemistry between myself and the man; at least on my end. I thought it was a case of nerves and the newness of it all, so I just threw myself into it and tried to make the best that I could out of it, because when I looked over to our partners, I saw that they were really into each other and enjoying their own session. Well, to make a long story short, the night ended without any satisfaction on my part or the other man.

However, despite the "bad" night, the couple got in touch with us again, and we ended up developing a very close (non sexual) friendship over the next few months. And as the friendship grew, I wanted to give swinging with them another try.

The problems began when I left town for a weekend. The weekend I was away, a good friend of my bf's invited him along with other friends to go to Vegas. I encouraged him to go and have a good time. Around that time, the other couple had been fighting, and the other girl seemed depressed and lonely because her bf had been extremely busy with work and couldn't spend much time with her. I thought she might enjoy joining this group on their trip to Vegas, as she was acquainted with some of the others in that group, and her bf agreed that she should go, since it would make her feel better (and also provide some friendly companionship for my bf.) I wasn't bothered by the idea of the two of them going together, as I was more and more certain that we would probably all swing again soon. In fact, I even told my bf that if he wanted to play a little with her, they could get a head start before us...

When I returned from my trip, I asked my bf to tell me what they did, did they have fun, etc... I wasn't surprised when he said that they did have some intimate fun, but when he admitted that they went all the way and had sex.... without a condom, I felt like I was crushed.

We talked about it at lenghth and I told him how betrayed I felt because they broke two of our most important rules... 1) no full swapping without all partners in the same room and 2) no sex without condoms. He apologized for what he called an honest mistake because he'd thought I had given him the ok to have fun with her, and said I was partly at fault for not specifying that that didn't include having sex.

The four of us tried to talk things out and resume our friendship to the level it had been before that weekend, but emotionally, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster... one moment I felt that what happened wasn't that big of a deal because it was a true miscommunication mistake.... but the next moment I felt hurt, very angry, jealous and distrustful.... because I also learned that the other girl had wanted my bf to keep it a secret, for the reason that "I would be upset if I found out" and it would be kinder not telling me (or her bf) what happened.

Since we had been so close and such good friends before that point, I really wanted to make this work and move forward and just chalk it up to human mistake made from inexperience and not communicating right. We actually even tried having a shared swinging experience one more time, to try to create a new experience that would sort of "wipe out" the bad memory, but unfortunately, again I found that in the middle of the session with the other man, I couldn't really click with him sexually, whereas my bf and the other girl were having a great time. So after that, I was feeling even worse.... for trying to fool myself, and because on top of that I now also felt jealous of the great chemistry that my bf obviously shared with the other girl, and worse, that they had enjoyed each other in private before that.

Now it has been six months since our last swinging encounter with that couple. We have an understanding now that we're just better off as friends, but there are moments when I still feel very upset over how things turned out. The worst is the feeling that if I had gone with my instincts, or just had the foresight or experience, I should've realized that I was a big cause of my own problems by miscommunicating from the beginning. Yet part of me also believes that it should be common sense, or understood, that there are some things you just don't do (such as sex w/o condom), but I guess they got lost in the heat of the moment.

We have not seen this couple much recently, but occasionally they will contact us, and if we do spend time with them, it's a hit or miss on how I will feel emotionally afterward, even though we are no longer doing anything sexually.

I wish I could really put the negative thoughts to rest, and would like for us to move on and meet new couples where there would be equal compatiblity and attraction between all parties. But now I worry about whether I would have old feelings of jealousy coming up at inappropriate times, and am afraid that I would have another bad encounter which would sour another swinging experience.

Sorry for such a long post... :-( but am I making too much of this? Has anyone else been through something like this before, and how do you handle it? Am I making too big a deal of a simple mistake... Please help with any advice or thoughts...