[VegasLee]

Don't take this wrong but I have a feeling the BF is really having his cake and eating it to here.

He has no real reason to but any effort into "fixing" his marriage. He has a good thing going on the side and is using it to fulfill his life and leaving his wife to fend for herself.

I would be careful that if he ever gets to the point to finally set his wife "free" he may be asking more of your wife and less of you as time goes on. It appears that he may be trying to set up his future here. I hope I am wrong but all I have to go from is what I am reading here that you have explained.

He may not even know he is doing this. Humans like to not be out in the cold and tend to cover their butt when it comes to possibly ending up alone.

If I was in your position, I would be wanting to have a meeting of all concerned, you, your wife, the BF and his wife. Find out what is really happening on all sides.

I am betting there is much more to this then has been explained here and that may be because you have been misled.

Good luck and hope no one gets hurt in this.