rdy46227

We're not true swingers, in the sense of casual sex between other couples of like mind, nor in the sense of clubbing or house partying, etc.

All the relationships either SO or I have been/are part of are based on emotional intimacy over an extended period of time. There appears to be love, affection, respect, and commitment in all of them. I left this unstated, assuming it implicit in poly. We operate in the subset of swinging/poly/"open" marriages where contacts have an emotional connection (bonding) over an extended period.

The status for the last few months is: SO and I are married and the primary relationship. SO and BF are a secondary relationship. It is the only current secondary for SO or I. It is a "V" and not, nor is it expected to be, a triad. This is clear to, and has been expressly stated by, all parties.

SO's rules for their relationship require that BF's wife be aware they are together and that BF will put his home situation first, e.g. break off if his spouse requests him. If you want to discuss our full rule set in general, we can find/start a different thread.

We three do the shared activities as friends, because we are friends, and have been doing such since we met. It's only since SO and BF decided they wanted more private time together that I started giving them another opportunity by leaving early. BF and SO have spent the night together twice; I believe part of his agreement with his wife is that he will be home well before dawn.

One thing extending the courtship between SO and BF over the 5 odd years is their dealing with love for each other. They acknowledged "clicking" at the beginning, and have been emotionally bonded for years. They've cried on each other's shoulders, exchanged deepest confidences, and made themselves vulnerable to each other. The both said that in another "life", they could be married.

Their problem has been going "all the way". BF's been dealing with his home situation all the time we've known him, trying to position himself to leave, then deciding not yet, sometimes believing his spouse and he will reestablish a good married relationship, sometimes believing that he needs to move across the country without her.

The couple of times before when either SO or BF considered becoming lovers, one issue or another made them decide to not take the final step. Last fall, things fell into place and they went for it.

BF's prior method of getting what he needs outside his marriage was by the traditional (secret) affairs, and SO's instance of full disclosure makes this is the first relationship where BF was upfront with his spouse.

This way is new for him; there is no compersion of the part of his spouse, and I suppose he may fall back into his old mindset from time to time.

Hope that answers your questions. Maybe I've answered my original question???