rdy46227 ~
I've read this thread at least a half dozen times and I keep coming up with questions. So if you feel like answering them, here you go.
Do you and your wife swing?
If not, is the BF the only person who is presently part of your poly sex life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdy46227  He's had a few affairs but this is the first time he's played by the poly rules (his spouse knows and has even met me). |
What are the "poly rules" that the three of you have agreed to?
Quote:
Often after we have a 3-way date, he asks her how I'm dealing with her having a BF, why I'm not upset/possessive/concerned -- in short, where is my head at over their affair. Sometimes it sounds like he can't understand my encouraging/enabling them, or like he's waiting for me to do something dramatic, or is trying to tease out some defect in the primary relationship...
But after [six] years of knowing us, something still must be bugging him.
I realize you all aren't mind readers, but any ideas why he might keep returning to the question of my accepting them having a secondary relationship?
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From what you've described, this seems more of a non-monogamous marriage for you and your wife. We aren't poly, but from what I've read on the Board from poly couples they usually mention the commitment, devotion, affection - and yes, love - among all person(s) in their poly relationship.
You've not hinted at any of this in your triad.
To me, it would seem your relationship with the BF is founded on
hope for a poly relationship to develop. But I don't think he has a clue about what poly means, nor will he be able to grasp it. In his mind, he's still having "affairs" and your wife is his present affair, nothing more.
What may be bugging him is that after 6 months of sex with your wife, he is wanting more than just your wife, i.e., affairs with other women, but is torn about continuing with his past pattern of finding sex when he needs it. Or maybe he feels that you are trying to "marry" him. Your wife's sexual relationship with him is still very new - 6 months - and he may move on in due time because he doesn't want to be bound by another relationship...he's already got his wife.
LM