Thanks for all of the responses, we really appreciate it. My wife sat down the other night to read my post and everyone's responses and we talked about it again for a few hours. She's going to try to come here to speak on behalf of herself, but she's not big on message boards - so I don't know when that might be, but possibly tonight.
Anyways, let me try to answer some of the questions and she can correct me if I'm wrong when she gets a chance to respond. The biggest question you guys have mentioned is:
Why does she feel that way? To be honest, that's not a question I can personally answer, since I'm not the one who has those feelings.
I can say that I think she would be comfortable with a strictly sexual relationship between me and another girl, but by-in-large, she distinctively prefers that I have some sort of relationship with the girl and she's made this clear to me on
many occasions. She doesn't want it to be an affair - she wants me to be honest with both of them - but she's interested in the idea of me going out on dates, talking about my 'other' relationship with with her and us even doing casual, everyday things as a group. It should also be noted that she's not typically curious when it comes to her own sexuality and in this situation, she's not interested in having a 3-way relationship where she's romantically attached to the other girl, but she does want me to pursue an additional relationship on the side for both her and my pleasure.
I think a lot of it stems from her development growing up - when she was in her early teens. She read a book or two about men who had a very dominating relationships and they had a wife and a mistress on the side. She admits to me that it could be the root of her feelings, but doesn't know for certain. I feel like she's acquired a strong taste for a male role in those respects and that this literature had a profound effect on her. She wants a situation where I have a woman I care about very deeply, even possibly love if I were so inclined, in tandem (not competition) with my marriage to her.
Another large piece to the puzzle is the full swap we were very close to taking part in. The one thing I could tell she was interested in most was that myself and the other couple's woman would trade text messages, known to both of our spouses, that were sexual
and romantic throughout the day. It wasn't something I intended to do at the start, nor do I think the other girl intended it - but, it happened and my wife was truly interested and turned on by what was said and that specific relationship dynamic.
At any rate, those two pieces of the puzzle sort of opened this doorway into conversation and I began flirting with some of the women at my work in response to it. As it stands, the flirting is always innocent and I'm pretty sure I want it to stay that way for a while (at least at work). I find work to be a very precarious place to consider doing any of this, particularly since some of my close relatives and friends work in different departments within the same building. There are certain women who have come on to me there, clearly interested in the flirting, but they're usually married (possibly considering cheating) or simply looking for quick attention - neither is feasible for a relationship in my opinion. We also agree with everyone who said communication is key. If I haven't displayed that we already are very open and honest about it, let me reaffirm that we are and if we were in a relationship that involved a third person, we would absolutely continue that tradition.
Vol, my wife has repeatedly told me that she's not interested in having a boyfriend. We often 'dirty talk' about having different partners during sex and she is always the first to state, in the wake of intercourse, how she likes
talking about it but isn't interested in
being with another guy in the least. She might be lying to me or even herself, but I'm fairly convinced that she's being honest. I'm sure she'll speak for herself as soon as she gets a chance to post. As for me, I'm not necessarily against her having a boyfriend, but I haven't given it much thought since she shows an aversion toward it whenever it comes up.
To be honest, I'm not aggressively looking for it right now which is one of the reasons I have so many questions for you guys. If I do start to pursue it, I want to have some knowledge and expectations on how to handle it. She wants me to go out with some of my friends (several of which are women) at my work, go drinking with them and to clubs. I plan on doing this and seeing what happens. She even remarked once to me about a girl she found at her own work that she thought I would be attracted to and would be a good candidate for this scenario. The girl didn't stay at the job long enough for that to pan out, but like was said earlier by some of you, it would be a much easier situation for her to setup on her end than I.
Anyways, I appreciate all of the suggestions. Feel free to poke and prod me some more for any questions you might have and offer any advice you feel I need or should be aware of. Hopefully my wife will post in the next day or so, if not tonight. Thanks again!
