[rpu3]

She, on the other hand, doesn't necessarily want to be with another man anymore. What she does want, from both a sexual and emotional angle, is that I explore having a relationship with another woman, but not strictly sexual. She wants me to have a real girlfriend on the side.

While I clearly don't agree with a previous poster as to the whole "what women are really saying angle", I agree with the "why" is she interested in you finding another girlfriend. That part isn't clear. What is her reasoning? Why does she think this will work for your marriage?

Now I trust my wife on this. She's fully aware of this site and my posting here, as she'll no doubt read it upon me showing it to her (she may even participate). That being said, I want it to be known that she's not looking to split up our relationship or cover for something she's doing on the side. She's genuinely enjoyed talking about the idea, as far as I can tell, of me doing sexual things and emotional things (dating, caring for, commitment) with another woman.

I'm waiting for those who are more wise in this to pop in, but just keep talking. I am in an open marriage, and what makes this work is the complete honesty of both parties.

For the average married guy, I suppose this is an easy situation - you get to have sex outside of your marriage at your wife's consent, what could be better than that? And trust me, I see the advantages to it. That being said, I have some serious concerns...

Sure, it looks great on paper, but there are problems and disadvantages you face as a married man that I do not experience as a married woman in a open relationship.

My major concern is who the hell would want something like that? How do I approach it with someone? We've done some extensive research on polyamory and swinging, so we're both comfortable with me having another girl who I have a relationship with, but I just don't even know where to begin to look for such a thing. How do you even breach that subject with someone I like without looking like I'm trying to find a clever way to cheat on your wife? I find people are usually on two sides of the bed with regard to having an emotional/sexual relationship outside of the marriage. Either they want to do it behind their spouse's back and are cheating -or- they simply want to experience the openness of sex outside their marriage like the average swinger. I'm somewhere in between the two and I'm not really familiar with how to handle that at all.

This is where I say "good luck" if you decide to pursue this. It has been rather difficult for my spouse to meet others. I can post an ad in any number of sources for an on-the-side experience and end up with an overflowing in-box. The spousal unit? Ummm, one response, and only one experience to date.

To complicate things, we're close to my extended family and they are very religious - if something like this were to happen, it would have to be somewhat discrete? Is a relationship like that possible and enjoyable? Would another person ever consider something of that nature?

If you end up in such a relationship, the three of you would be the ones deciding on the discretion. There are posts in this forum describing the level of openness some have.

Possible and enjoyable? Yes. There are several forms of possible alternative relationships to swinging, and you'll find people doing it and happy in each form. You'll also find those for whom it didn't work out and they aren't considering it any more, or they chalked it up to life and will try again if it works out that way. You've got an entire forum devoted to those that are interested in polyamory. I'm telling directly that my spouse and I are in an open marriage, and we are fine, happy and well-adjusted (so far).

Yes, there are plenty of those that only practice straight-up swinging, just like there are those that only do monogamy, or those that only practice whatever it is they practice. You two are the only ones that get to decide whether monogamy, swinging, polyamory, open marriage, etc. are right for you. The two of you are the only ones that get to decide the right path for you in anything in your life.

As long as you two continue to talk and make your choices openly and together, then the most anyone should try to opine is, whatever works for you - keep up the communication and good luck to you - we'll be here if you want to talk or you need advice!

Anyways, I've written a lot and I don't want to present an 'epic ton' of nonsense here. I've read this site from time to time and I figured it was a good place to find open and honest people to bring something like this up and get some good advice. Let me know how you would go about looking for another partner like this? How you would present the situation (I'm married but my wife wants me to have a girl friend) to someone? How would you maintain a relationship like this? What are the pitfalls? What should I look out for?

Again, I just think you are going to find it difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. It's not like you can go on Yahoo personals or Match dot com, or the like - being married, you technically can't place ads. You may not get much interest on the swing sites. My spouse doesn't. He's managed to meet friends in real life, only one of which has evolved into a sexual relationship. It's just harder for men for reasons from women are seeking long time partners, to other women not quite understanding what's being asked, etc. It's a lot easier for me to announce to the world that I can have sex outside my marriage, but I'm not seeking marriage - plenty of men interested in non-committed sex and some of those men are interested in friends with benefits arrangement. But my spouse hasn't found the same on his side of the coin.

As far as what you should look out for and pitfalls - I'm worthless on that point and so would my spouse. We just really try to let things be what they are and let these relationships find their own level, so to speak. My spouse is very good at this - I am not, but if I let things be what it will be and evolve at its own pace, things seem much smoother and happier/more fun. I think pitfalls again would fall into a more personal realm for you and your wife. My pitfall of overthinking things constantly might not be your pitfall and your wife may have her own set of things that will be an issue for her.

Luckily for you, there's an entire forum that might have something better to add.

Thanks for the post, and I hope you get some other responses. Do keep talking with your wife. And I really hope your wife will consider coming here as well for her perspective. We don't bite - really!