[MikeandDawn]

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

Hey everyone, I'm new and glad I was able to find a board like this.

I don't know if I would necessarily call myself a Swinger, but that seems to be the most appropriate term. Anyway, I guess I am interested in feedback from those who are familliar with this lifestyle, any thoughts on the whole matter will be greatly appreciated. My whole situation is pretty messy, and I am so lost!! I hope this is not too confusing.

I've been with my boyfriend now for almost two years. I love him, he is an amazing man. In the beginning of our relationship I felt myself kind of attracted to his best friend/roomate. Though I swore to myself nothing was going to come of it. But I would have all kinds of fantasies about threesomes with my boyfriend and his friend. When I asked people their thoughts on this "hypothetical" situation, everyone basically laughed and said there was no way something like that would ever become a reality.

Long story short, four months into our relationship my boyfriend casually questioned me as to how I felt about threesomes. I admitted a MMF threesome was a fantasy of mine. And then he actually suggested we have one with his friend! I could not believe it! At the time I was too freaked out, and so nothing actually happened.

Months passed, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. My attraction to his friend only grew. Then last January, while the three of us were hanging out and partying, my boyfriend brought the idea up to me again, and at that point I was definetly ready. So I initiated it, and his friend was only too happy to go along. We had 3 threesomes in total. The sex really was as great as I thought it would be.

A lot of time has gone by since our last threesome. But I think about having another one every single day. It is tough because every night it is the three of us hanging out together. My boyfriend and I plan to someday move into our own place, but right now the three of us kind of live together.

I feel really guilty, because whereas this seems to be just mere sexual thrills for my boyfriend, for me it has to do with having feelings for his friend. I am not in love with him, and infact I could not picture myself actually dating someone like him. Yet I am saddled with this unrelenting sexual obsession. I enjoy sex with my boyfriend, but every night that passes without getting a chance with his friend feels somehow like a letdown.

I must confess that even though even though we haven't had a threesome in awhile, I still take every opprotunity to make-out with his friend. After my boyfriend and I retire to bed I'll sneak back downstairs for a few minutes to be with his friend. The thing is that I always tell my boyfriend when I do this. And he never forbids me.

So what is wrong with asking him if it's OK is it goes beyond "just making out," and it's OK if he walks in and "catches" you?

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

My boyfriend had admitted to wanting to have sex with a man...namely, his friend. When he brings up having another threesome, the main purpose this time is for he and his friend to fool around. (I think that his friend is also bi-curious...he has in the past talked about being attracted to men). So then I wonder if maybe my boyfriend is using me as a way to get closer to his friend (just like I did?)

Maybe, but you don't buy the cake just to get the icing. Something tells me if they had wanted to get together by themselves, they would have done so by now. In the framework of a threesome, I'd think of it as just a happy side benefit of the relationship.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

What would it be like if the two of them had sex?

You'll never know until it happens. Have you asked your b/f what he expects will come out of the situation?

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

Should I encourage it?

I certainly wouldn't discourage it.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

My boyfriend talks about wanting to Swing, and having a MFF threesome. I tell him that I like the idea of that too, but the truth is I don't know if I do.

Then please don't tell him you do. It just sets up false expectations. Be honest with him about your feelings.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

The only reason I agreed to a threesome was so I could have sex with his friend.

Now, was it to have sex with the friend, or your b/f and the friend?

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

Kind of cheating in plain sight, huh? Why can't my boyfriend see that? Why does he let me get away with making out with his friend every once in awhile?

You'll have to ask him. Dawn and our M play by themselves all the time. I don't need to know when it happens, as I trust both of them, especially Dawn. We've dealt with our insecurities years ago, so trust isn't an issue with us now. But your statements make me wonder what you are looking for out of the relationship. To me, it sounds like you enjoy your boyfriend for the person he is, but just love the other guy's dick. So what exactly is it you want your b/f to 'see'?

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

I feel guilty, but then I think that the idea of me being a slut turns my boyfriend on. There have been times during sex when he wanted me to describe to him things I did alone with his friend, and it turned him on. Sometimes when I go downstairs to use the bathroom and he knows his friend is down in the livingroom he'll say stuff to me like "You should flash him when you walk by" or "You should just go down naked." There have actually been times when we've been hanging out and my boyfriend pulled my skirt up to show his friend my new underwear. Like, who does that?

Me I've done stuff like that with Dawn and the other M's we've been with previously. I don't consider Dawn a "slut". She's just a very beautiful woman whom I love deeply. She just has a lot to offer a man, and I just enjoy showing her off and sharing. Our first few times with a new M are usually "getting to know her" sessions where I get to show him everything she likes and everywhere she likes it, in quite explicit detail.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

The thing is that even though I make loose promises, I would never in a million years have a MFF threesome. I know it is a HUGE double standard on my part, but I would be way too jealous. So I try to make it up to my boyfriend by watching porn with him. Usually it would bother me knowing a boyfriend of mine was looking at other naked women...but then I know I'm not exactly in a position to be so judgemental!

This is where I'll state the "be honest about your feelings with your b/f" part again.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

What I would ideally want is for us to just have an exclusive three-way relationship. But I know it is just a matter of time before his friend gets a girlfriend of his own. It's unreasonable, I know, but I feel like my boyfriend's friend is a part of our relationship. I don't want to lose him. What is all this?

Sounds like what we have, a live-in (basically) M who is our only playmate. He rents the mother-in-law apartment above our agrage and it works out great for all of us. I know previous history tells us he'll move on one day, but we'll just begin our search for a new play partner soon after.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

And then I feel guilty whenever I don't have any contact with his friend, like I'm somehow betraying his friend by not being intimate with him. I just cannot read what my boyfriend wants. His mixed messages drive me nuts. I'm afraid to initiate another threesome on my own, even thought my boyfriend tries pretty frequently. But I just don't like the way he goes about it, wanting me to just bust out and start stripping right in the livingroom.

I guess some of my questions are:

1) Is it okay or totally inexcusable for me to fool around with his friend when my boyfriend isn't around (even though I tell him every time I do it). If he never outright forbids me to do it, does that mean he doesn't mind? Sometimes when I go downstairs to get something he'll say "Hurry back" which I take to mean "No fooling around." And then there are the other times when he'll suggest I flash his friend or go down naked. What should I think?

Your relationship seems to rely too heavy on code words/phrases, which may or may not mean what you/he think they mean. You need to talk honestly with the b/f.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

2) Is it very likely that my boyfriend is bi and has wanted to be intimate with his friend for some time? What exactly does it mean that he gets turned on by me sleeping with/flashing his friend? Does it have to do more with me or his friend?

Either or both. You won't know until you ask. Hopefully he'll be honest about his feelings.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

3) Is this at all normal?

Not usual, but IMO, not abnormal. The biggest issue I see here is (drum roll please) the lack of honesty about true feelings.

Originally Posted by SableOnBlond

Okay, anyone ever been in an even remotely similiar situation? Any thoughts or advice? I'm sorry if I sound totally dumb...I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this!

We wouldn't have our situation any other way, but we certainly can't say it's for everyone. My gut feeling on this one says be wary of the situation, because there's a huge possibility of entanglement and hurt feelings because honest feelings aren't being discussed between the parties involved.