Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonblade 
Okay so a couple questions from you guys..
#1 Is it normal to not plan to ever live together with the other S/O's? Does that work as well or what have you than living together?~Blade~
|
What's normal? Your relationship(s) is different than mine or anyone elses. You have to do what works for you. Yes, I've heard of people in poly relationships that do not live together. To be frank, in my experience, I've heard of more who don't than do. It is our goal eventually. Right now we live two hours apart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonblade
#2 I know there's a lot of stuff in the post, do you guys have any suggestions or advice on how to handle the jealousy or just advice in general.. things to look out for or what not. I found a lot of info on poly online, but my husband doesn't really want to read anything on it.. let's rephrase.. he doesn't really read this board or anything related to all this.. he knows I do and if something comes across as pertinent I pass it along, but he'd rather just live life and go as we go.. I tend to take the advice to heart and implement it as necessary so he doesn't really have to lol he just generally follows my lead..
~Blade~
|
Regarding the jealousy, that's something I faced with this and it came as a complete shock to me. I've never really been a jealous person. Not regarding swinging or not the whole 26 years we've been together except when Gator feel in love with his girlfriend. It just totally rocked my little world. However, I love Gator so much I can't begin to describe it. I wanted, even then, for him to have all he could in life. So, we set out on a journey along a road we came to very unexpectedly. This meant I had to get a handle on that jealousy. Because poly just fell into our laps, we've made mistakes...hard ones by all four of us but Gator and I had to deal with ours first. I so wish I had known a poly relationship was what we were heading toward...I'd have done research much sooner and may have avoided some of my mistakes. Gator and I handle things differently. He just mainly tries to work it out in his head. I research everything. And reading other people's stories have really helped.
My biggest advice to you, other than the obvious one to communicate, is take it slow. Don't either of you push the other into accepting something they are not ready for. It is difficult to take steps back (we know from personal experience). Just as in swinging, go at the pace of the slowest one (and it won't always be the same person). Getting there slow and steady with a foundation is better than jumping into the deep end.
One more thing, I understood you to say that part of the jealousy will be because his girlfriend will be closer to him than your boyfriend and, therefore, it follows he'll get to see her more. Try to imagine the reverse situation and see how you feel with that. We don't choose who we love. It was your luck to find someone further than you'd like from you. Ask yourself should your choice limit him in his choice. At first you might want to sit and talk with him about the frequency he sees her. Ask him to make it less frequent until you get used to it. But, you have to push yourself beyond your comfort zone little by little if this is going to work. When you do that, he'll be able to see her more frequently and you'll be fine with it.
Poly relationships are not easy...they can be hard. But we are finding the good aspects of it making the difficulty worth the effort.
Vol