[WesternSwing]

This is a very good topic, because as was mentioned, much is written and said about the roles of each member in a poly relationship and how love is infinite, but I also have never, ever seen anything written on "how to spread your time between more than one partner so neither feels short-changed."

We also have this problem, but a little differently for Mrs. WS and I. For my part, I am okay with Mrs. WS seeing her boyfriend in the evening or on a weekend because I feel she needs that "Mrs. WS time" away from real life, and her boyfriends over the years have been single guys with no kids; so it really is a fantasy, a vacation if you will. She comes back emotionally recharged.

On the other hand, she does not like it if I see a girlfriend in the evening or on weekends or anytime other that could be spent with her. 8AM to 5PM Monday thru Friday is okay because she works during this period and therefore I am not taking time away from her.

Selfish? Maybe a little. Jealous? Maybe a little also. But it's how she is comfortable. She feels bad about the arrangement being this way because she feels she is not being equal to me in how this is done and she can't give me what I give her. However, little in life is ever "equal" because everyone is different and therefore thinks and feels differently. You just try to come by a workable arrangement for everyone.

Longing? I can understand that too. I see how Mrs. WS longs for her boyfriend sometimes, and she doesn't hide it from me and we talk about it openly. I see the insecurities that she has that she won't show to him, the "do you think he really likes me?" type stuff. It's sweet, and cute. Mrs. WS and I really are best friends and more than sexually we need each other for that deep bonding on a level that we can't expose of ourselves to other people.

I also was in love with another woman about five years ago, unfortunately it was before Mrs. WS and I ever got into the swinging lifestyle and from there toward poly, therefore it was kept a secret from Mrs. WS. We would talk on the phone during the day, IM each other, go to lunch once in awhile, and because she was a neighbor and Mrs. WS's best friend at the time we'd see each other quite often at our house or hers. But I was never really able to act on my feelings, and by the time Mrs. WS and I came to the point of being poly-accepting in our life, the neighbor and her husband split in a fiery ball of hate for each other, out of self defense we cut off all communication with both of them, and I don't know where she is to this day. But I still long for her. She is a special person in my life and always will be.