[interested-05]

its a tough spot you find yourself in. I too was raised in a church that this lifestyle would be tough to swallow, and it could be very tough to deal with.
which is why i no longer go to church.
On the one hand Intuition, this could be a good thing, just a bit hard to face, until you get through the repercussions. The preferance would be for your friend, to accept that you have thoughts and fantasies, that you try to keep to yourself. This time you believed you were simply verbalizing to yourself, a personal issue you were trying to work through. A suggestion you might consider, As I am fairly sure your friend understands we all have thoughts we arent supposed to have. And one way of dealing with them is to talk about those feelings, you were simply struggling with feelings and desires and working your way through them.
If I remember correctly, over the past year or two, you have mentioned something along the lines that you wish it were out in the open, no longer a secret. It is tough to hide something you secretly love doing, And wish your friends could share it with you. Maybe this will get you past the secrecy and allow you to feel freer.
This next part is not intended to start a fight, i certainly hope not, especially with you , because you have had so much valuable insight here, tht i would like to continue listening to what you have had to say.
As far as the church goes, they are good people who really mean to help, and care about you, but sometimes that caring "hurts" more than it helps. Some call it hypocricy to feel the same desires and fantasies, but my understanding is that unless they are saying don't swing or play outside of marriage, and then they do play or swing, that is hypocricy. What one feels is neither right or wrong it simply is what they feel. What they "do" may be right or wrong, not what they feel.
for example, we all feel angry from time to time and say things we feel like doing, but we do not act on those feelings and bring them under control. The feeling may have been strong, but our discipline kept us from causing harm. Is it wrong to feel angry? No. Is it wrong to injure someone because we are angry? Yes
Is it hypocricy to feel angry, but not injure them? No
Nor is it hypocrytical to have fantasies we never act upon. Acting out a fantasy is not hypocritcal. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to act upon a fantasy, that seeks no harm, encourages honest conversation with a loved one.
Say to a playmate, "I LOVE you", with all the depth of meaning these words carry, when we are simply lying and really dont mean it, solely to fuck them, that is hypocritical.
You have had a lifetime friend, It may go through some rough times but in the end they will still care about you and hopefully you can work out something, where you still understand each other and retain that friendship, even if it does change a bit.