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Originally Posted by TNT  I'm curious...what did she say when you called her back? How did she react? |
She called the house and asked for me, actually. Mr. intuition asked me if I had gotten hold of her when I got back in. In the meantime, it took me about 2 minutes to stop hyperventilating and shaking and call her. I tried to keep the loud, high-pitch squeal out of my voice as I spoke, and I hope it worked. I started out by explaining that I was listening to a recording from my workshop that day (they brought speakers in and everything), and I must've accidentally hit the dial button. My phone has a speaker feature, so that sort of works. "Yeah," she said, "I heard some sort of...conversation...and I kept saying 'Hello?!' but..." I said the headphones were plugged in, but I didn't have them in, so I didn't hear her (I didn't mention that it had a mic!). "Oh" she said, "yeah, it was...WEIRD stuff...what kind of workshop was it?" I explained that it was a workshop on Positive Spaces for people who are in alternative lifestyles. She's laughing nervously throughout our conversation, but not enough. I said, "well if I'm going to call you, I guess I'd better say something, eh?" and I proceeded to make chit chat for a bit. Probably about a minute later, she says, "Well I'd better not run your cell phone bill up." and we said goodbye and hung up. My impression was that she was freaked out and didn't want to talk to me.
That's where it was left.
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Originally Posted by TNT Most people would rather believe a lie than the truth any day, so hopefully she'll take your explanation and that'll be the end of it. |
This is what I'm hoping for, and my thoughts exactly.
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Originally Posted by TNT I wouldn't mention anything else about it. If she brings it up, you have the choice of either lying again and reiterating your original lie or just tell her that you love her, you value her friendship but this is one part of your life that is none of her business.
Good luck,
Teresa |
Thanks, Teresa. I really wish I could trust her with the truth. Trouble is, she lives in the small town where I grew up...where my parents still live. If this ever got around - and it would! - I'd never feel comfortable going home again. You know how small towns are. I would have to ask her to vow to never say anything about it to anyone...not even her husband. I am afraid this is too big a burden to place on her, because to her, it's like asking her to please not call the cops when you've murdered someone. It would be a black spot on her conscience because everything about her that I know tells me that she would
NOT agree with it. She would feel that it's wrong. So if she doesn't take the way out that I've given her (the lie), she'd better be ready for the truth. I'm just not sure she is. I'd love to feel optimistic about the outcome of such a conversation, but you know how arguments against opponents of swinging go. Everyone ends the conversation, neither party convinced of anything the other said.
If we get into it, I might refer her to libchrist.com It's not the be-all-end-all of poly-swinging-Christian theory, but it might be enough to start chewing on. The worst part is, I used to be where she is, and I know exactly how these ramblings must sound to her. They sound so wrong, sick and twisted. And even the attempts to on the "sicko's" part to help me understand only sounded like Satan trying to lure me away from the straight and narrow path to salvation. I've since come to realize that our definitions of God, Jesus, heaven, salvation, etc don't change what actually is. People keep trying to make reality fit their conceptions, when our job is the other way around: just look for the truth of things, and it will all suddenly fit together and make sense. And to not be afraid of truth.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the support. Seriously it does make it easier to deal with to hear other perspectives and your encouragement. I'm just trying to maintain my grip and say the mantra, "It is what it is." No point worrying about it. I'm not doing anything wrong, and it would be unfortunate for everyone to find out because I KNOW it would change the way people look at us, but the bottom line is...I'm not ashamed. Just scared. Lots of crazies out there. And it's not me that I'm worried about; it's my kids. I don't want them turned against us or thinking that their parents are sick.