[ncmd_couple]

Originally Posted by intuition897

ncmd_couple: I know that there are secret parts of each of us, her included. I mean, I KNOW this about her, because the things she professes to believe can't be believed by a completely logical and intelligent mind. Not her faith, but the things she attaches to it. What she says is right and wrong. It's all learned thoughts and behaviour (I should know...I grew up marinated in it, too). But it feels wrong to me to point that out to her if she doesn't want to believe anything different. I'm just saying that it only makes sense that there are parts of each person that no one knows but the person him or herself. That's the essence of being human.

However, I've known her since we were 3. Literally. When we were about 7 or 8, we made a promise to always remain friends and, silly as it might sound, it really did stick. We've made sure that we each stood by our word. And now this. This really could cause a problem between us because she is NOT open-minded. Everything in me screams that she will not understand. It's why I never told her about it. We all have to trust our gut, and that's what my gut tells me: she can't - or won't - handle it. What she'll see is that I am "unwell". That my life - spiritual life, marital relationship, self-esteem, etc. - are in the crapper, and the things she heard are evidence of that. If my fears are correct, the option of trusting me when I say I'm fine is no longer there for her...because I am unfit to judge whether I'm okay or not. Like an anorexic says there's nothing wrong with not wanting to eat, or the alcoholic/addict says he/she can stop anytime they want to. To her, it will just sound like denial.

I'm bracing myself. But I don't want to let this go for too long. I do want to talk with her soon and start getting things back on track if possible, or dealing with the awkwardness if necessary. I'm still going to try the denial route, because it's the least painful and most available for both of us. If she won't go for it, it's on to Plan B.

Well, in that case, go with your gut instincts and hope for the best. But there is just one thing that I have learned in life, "to your own self be true." Good luck!

S