[sweet_tna]

I don't embarrass too easily these days, either, but I've got a heckuva' story about the very first time I had sex.

"John" and I were both freshmen in college and had been dating several months. We were both virgins, and had talked about 'going all the way', but hadn't made it further than 3rd base. He got me tickets to see Les Miserables in the nearest big city, and I suggested (how bold of me) that we get a hotel room, since it was 1.5 hours away, and it would be really late when the show was over.

I took great care in picking a dress to wear, putting on my sexiest undies, with the assumption we were on the same page. We get back to the room after the show (which was wonderful, btw) and he so obviously was NOT on the same page. He sat there and turned on the tv. I was crushed. But i was also determined, and made a point of asking him to unzip my dress for me. He did, but didn't really pay attention. So I stand there in my lingerie and stockings and ask him what HE had in mind this evening? He looked up and said, "Oh, i didn't know you wanted to do anything." (I wanted sooooo badly to club him over the head.) But I said, yes, and pulled out the candle I'd packed in my bag. Then I asked if he brought protection. He actually did happen to have a condom in his wallet.

He finally tries to get things started, but when it came down to the nitty gritty . . . He slid in, but slid right back out. And it wouldn't have been a big deal--if he'd noticed!!!!! Oh no, he just kept pumping away with his "manhood" sliding under my bum. (shakes her head).

Afterward, he rolls off me, and I start thinking to myself, "this can ONLY happen to ME." Twisted person that I am, I find this funny--hysterical, even. But I had the presence of mind to realize he wouldn't take well to me laughing. So I'm literally shaking with pent up laughter, and tears begin to stream out of my eyes. He looks over at me and asks, "Are you okay? Did i hurt you?"

I LOST it then--and laughed so hard I fell off the bed. He was, needless to say, confused as hell. I managed to stop laughing long enough to try and explain myself.

Me: John, you know the situation we were trying to correct?
John: What situation?
Me: Uhm, our virginity?
John: Yes . . .
Me: Well, we're still not "cured."
John: What . . .?!?! Of course we did. (He's actually scratching his head at this point)

I had to (and delicacy is not my strong suit) explain in detail what happened. He was embarrassed, but blamed it on the condom. I suggested once he got used to them, maybe it wouldn't matter so much (did i mention he was a pencil-dick?). He asked what we should do now, since he didn't have any other "supplies". I opened my purse, and boy was he shocked. I told him I was serious about wanting this to happen and if he wouldn't mind, maybe we could try again.

Alas, it wasn't a whole lot better when we did (did I mention he had a pencil dick?). Luckily, the next guy to come along was Mr. Sweet.

~Mrs. Sweet =)