Re: Only our 2nd time and confused already!!
"....she liked what my husband was doing to her and what I was doing to her, but not what HER husband was doing to me."
I've discussed this before. This strikes a familiar chord - similar to my previous wife - the issue of jealousy and insecurity.
It is extremely unfair to her husband and to you, the other couple. Why should it be OK for her to taste the fruit and have the pleasure and excitement of casual sex with friends but not her husband. If I were the other husband or if we were you, this "lady" would be told just how selfish she was/is acting.
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