Hi Acacia ~
Welcome to the Swingers Board!
I know that you're disappointed by this first swing swap that involved the men, but don't be too set back by it. This happens to many swingers, not just when starting out either. Other swingers can surprise you no matter how experienced you or they are. What's important is that you and your husband seem to know what you are comfortable with and communicate with each other about your feelings.
I doubt this woman knew she was going to react this way until it happened. I also doubt her husband was aware of her issues with jealousy, but who knows, he could have been and was just hoping for the best at your second play session.
I wouldn't be too hard on them or let the event sour you on swinging. I do think you should let them know that how they want to play doesn't match your play goals (you're not compatible), and therefore, you feel it best not to swing with them. They may not take the rejection well, so be prepared for that, but rejection is part of swinging. Be diplomatic and don't put any blame or guilt on her/them. You simply are not a match as play partners.
This couple will probably have a tough time between themselves because her husband isn't going to be happy with his wife's jealousy/trust issue. This is the stuff drama is made of.
Keep looking for other couples. You'll find some good matches eventually.
LM