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Originally Posted by incognito  Like many men, the combination of nerves and condoms seem to get the best of me. I can usually get it up, get the condom on, and go at it, but after a few minutes, I've totally deflated. |
Okay. Know this: You are NOT alone. You combine nerves, alcohol, a new woman and a condom and you can have issues. You can look up other threads on this very subject. You'll have men looking for advice, women bitching about the problem, there is a lot on it. You may just be the type of man that cannot play with new women, you need to know them and relax first. You are absolutely not alone. You are not wrong, not bad, not less of a man. It just happens.
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Originally Posted by incognito That's only part of the equation. My wife is extremely orgasmic. All of the women I've been with are basically non-orgasmic, by their own admission. There have been a couple of times where the woman apparently orgasmed, but I'm not sure whether it was real or fake. Going from being with a woman who is easy to please to women who are essentially--from the male's standpoint--unpleasable is brutal. |
Okay. You have got to get swinging into perspective. You will NEVER EVER EVER have the kind of sex with another woman like you will with your wife, who is your soul mate, life partner, best friend.....NEVER. So you HAVE to get that expectation out of your head, or you will never be satisfied. Is sex with another person hot? Lustful? Sexual? YES! Its awesome!! Even a woman like myself who is enthusiastic, multi orgasmic.....if you are wanting from me what your wife gives you you are going to be dissapointed. There is no way that Jay is going to be able to know your wife 2 hours after meeting her like he knows my body after 17 years. Its not that they are hard to please....remember! We are nervous just like YOU. Our equipment works even when nervous, but we are thinking the same things you are: am I pleasing him, am I attractive to him, does he like this, etc. So cut us some slack too lol.
Number one, I can relate to your frustrations, albeit for different reasons. Don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel your frustration in regards to looking over and seeing your wife pleasured and not feeling the same way..only on the opposite end. I have had issues with gentlemen having ED issues. I am woman enough to admit this: I was jealous. I was jealous that other women were getting theirs and I felt like I was getting the shaft. Poor Jay could not even be pleased because he knew I was so upset over everything. But you know what? As we have matured in the lifestyle we have learned to be more laid back. You know what? If the gentleman I am with is having issues, so what? He is stressing out 10 times more than I am, so my looks of frustration are only making him feel like crap even more than he feels now. Have fun, perhaps do a group thing, and my husband is a fantastic lover...so how can I lose?
I suggest that before completely throwing in the towel you step back for about a month. Regroup, think things over when you are not frustrated and angry. Then go from there. Relax. Have fun. Only the best to you. Shelly