I am copying my reply from your other thread where you presented this yesterday. Julie, please feel free to smack me down if this is not allowed.
1. We all generally have sex the same way with our various partners. We kind of 'store up' what has worked for us before...you try that on someone and if it doesn't get the reaction you normally get, then you start 'tweaking' your actions...suck a little harder, touch a little lighter, etc. You can not 'accuse' the other husband of nefarious intent when he's basically just doing what he normally does. Some women just can't squirt...some can...some can and have never been stimulated enough to do so. There is a guy here that I have heard stories about...basically he is very good at getting women to do that, even if they never have before. It's just one of his talents apparently.
2. I have had maybe 1 major gushing session while I have been with my boyfriend...and I wasn't 'aware' that was the reaction he was going to cause. He regularly plays with/hits my gspot during sex and it was not a concious reaction. As a matter of fact, if you are hesitant to do it (scared you'll mess up the sheets, or that your partner will be turned off by it), I'm sure it is a sensation that can be stopped (kind of like a man thinking non-sexy thoughts to put off his orgasm or something of the like).
The night it happened, I was not exceptionally worked up when it happened. I just happened to be relaxed enough and at a good angle for him to continually hit the spot on every stroke in, that it happened.
3. Obviously your wife was consenting, so stop pouting. I don't mean that to sound ugly...but seriously, read what you have written.
What precisely did you do when you came back to the room to see that this had happened? Even if she's there in an amazing afterglow, seeing you come back to the room with a thundercloud hanging over your head probably snapped her right out of it. You said she was 'strangely quiet'...she probably saw that you were ready to burst open and may not have wanted to say anything to set you off.
Your wife has a good time, with someone that has a different skill set than you do, and you are getting bent about it. I agree with other posters that maybe you need to do separate room play, but even then if your wife would have come back after playtime was over and told you she soaked the sheets...would you have come unhinged? Just ask the guy for some pointers or if you have the general idea of what he did...then practice on your wife and it will eventually happen.
Basically I know that if I have an earthshattering orgasm or 5 with a play partner, and my boyfriend knows I had a good time...I know he's going to be happy I had fun. There will be no "Well you've never done that for me" kind of thing being thrown in my face.
On the flip side, if I've asked you to do something specific (tie me up, or a certain position or whatever)...and you don't/won't/can't/don't do it often enough even when I ask you specifically to do it during playtime....but you are all gung ho to do it with a swing partner...THEN I have a problem.
Also, if you are concentrating on your partner (like a good swing partner should), it may be hard to have a running commentary or conversation...or even a coherent thought. My best example of this: Our first time out, we had a condom break. What does my SO do? Stop play? No, rips the condom off and keeps on going. A few min later, my partner walked past the room where they were and saw it laying on the floor. We quickly called play to an end....I held my composure until we got home. I have repeatedly asked him wtf was he thinking to just take it off and continue when that is basically our cardinal rule (no condom no play). Guess he figured if he had caught anything the damage was done there....but he wasn't 'concious' enough to realize that he made a major fuck up until I called to him from the next room (and then apparently some of the blood from his dick made it back to his secondary brain so he could 'think' again) and asked him why he wasn't wearing a condom. I posted about it on here...and I'm sure at the time the post was made I was a little more hysterical than I am now. lol
You may want to re-evaluate whether swinging is a good thing for you as a couple.
Maria