The Swingers Board - View Single Post

sereneiders · 09-12-2007, 04:30 AM

I believe Chicup meant something having to do with the motto "don't attempt to make swingers out of friends, but friends out of swingers" (which is your case).

He never said "avoid making friends" nor "don't attempt to do so", but addressed a basic newbie mistake we've seen a lot in here, that is, to use the previous experience in the vanilla world as a starting point to feel confortable enough as to engage in a swinging activity.

There are two problems with this approach:

1) There isn't anything in the vanilla relationships you can correlate with what you require to swing. We all trend to bring wahtever new experience we have to a well known scenario as to be able to "extrapolate" the variables involved and get rid of our experience in the known scenario to be able to deal with the otherwise unknown things. In this case, this provide a false safety and confortabiliy perception. There are so many unknown variables involved that any exrtapolation would be wishfull thinking. So it is better just to meet people reducing the variables amount to the minimum by setting up minimal goals like "let's just have sex", than start multiplying the variables getting involved emotionally in a friendship and later on see how you do to take care of the friendship relationship ALONG with all you have to take care of for the first swinging experience.

2) As part because of what I said, once you become "friends", it becomes harder and harder to break the ice. Things evolve into a platonic fantasy of "how it would be" and "what ifs", that (moreover if both couples have no experience) doesn't help anyone involved.

This reminds me of the way to put yourself in the swimming pool. You can either sink a toe to test how cold it is, or just jump in. Often, when you test the waters with your toe, you decide it is too cold to dare to jump in, and often when you jump in, the cold sensation vanishes almost inmediatelly.

As chicup said, "look for people you could be friends with", but look for them to have sex. It you click with them, it is likelly that this would evolve into a friendship, as in your case.

And BTW, it isn't that rare, we've making several good friends out of swingers, even with people that otherwise we wouldn't even have the chance to meet or, if meeting them, we wouldn't be compelled nor willing enough to become friends.

09-12-2007, 04:30 AM	#51 (permalink)
sereneiders Some sort of user Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,121 Location: Argentina Status: Couple	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. I believe Chicup meant something having to do with the motto "don't attempt to make swingers out of friends, but friends out of swingers" (which is your case). He never said "avoid making friends" nor "don't attempt to do so", but addressed a basic newbie mistake we've seen a lot in here, that is, to use the previous experience in the vanilla world as a starting point to feel confortable enough as to engage in a swinging activity. There are two problems with this approach: 1) There isn't anything in the vanilla relationships you can correlate with what you require to swing. We all trend to bring wahtever new experience we have to a well known scenario as to be able to "extrapolate" the variables involved and get rid of our experience in the known scenario to be able to deal with the otherwise unknown things. In this case, this provide a false safety and confortabiliy perception. There are so many unknown variables involved that any exrtapolation would be wishfull thinking. So it is better just to meet people reducing the variables amount to the minimum by setting up minimal goals like "let's just have sex", than start multiplying the variables getting involved emotionally in a friendship and later on see how you do to take care of the friendship relationship ALONG with all you have to take care of for the first swinging experience. 2) As part because of what I said, once you become "friends", it becomes harder and harder to break the ice. Things evolve into a platonic fantasy of "how it would be" and "what ifs", that (moreover if both couples have no experience) doesn't help anyone involved. This reminds me of the way to put yourself in the swimming pool. You can either sink a toe to test how cold it is, or just jump in. Often, when you test the waters with your toe, you decide it is too cold to dare to jump in, and often when you jump in, the cold sensation vanishes almost inmediatelly. As chicup said, "look for people you could be friends with", but look for them to have sex. It you click with them, it is likelly that this would evolve into a friendship, as in your case. And BTW, it isn't that rare, we've making several good friends out of swingers, even with people that otherwise we wouldn't even have the chance to meet or, if meeting them, we wouldn't be compelled nor willing enough to become friends.