[WesternSwing]

From your additional posts I can see more clearly now where you are coming from. It sounds like (and this is hearing only your side of it) that your wife wants her cake and doesn't care if you go hungry.

Also, there are some pretty screwed-up dynamics going on here and you are over analyzing the obvious.

Originally Posted by mnbryant

Yes it was a threesome so I was not left out in that way. I did leave the room a couple of times by my own choosing to try to make things more comfortable for him. After posting this today a little later I figured out what it was. He dates a girl that works with my wife that is bi. He does not like girl on girl situations and he does not know she is bi. They are not exclusive with each other to my understanding so I agreed to it. My wife does not want her to know about him and had considered talking to her until he said he didn't want her involved.

.Okay, he's dating a girl your wife works with and they are in a non-exclusive relationship, BUT he doesn't want her to know he's knocking boots with your wife. Someone is lying here. And a coworker? This is two trains on the same track and it's just a matter of time until they collide. This is drama waiting to happen.

the feeling left out comes from doing what he wanted. if they are not exclusive then what difference does it make if we have them both over seperately.

No, the feeling of being left out comes from doing what THEY both want, not just him. And I agree, if they are in fact non-exclusive it shouldn't matter if you have her over separately of him.

She also only wants to do him..couples has never been and option.

Many people do find someone they want to be exclusive with for awhile, but in every instance I know of they did full swap for some time beforehand. They knew what the score was before they became exclusive in some poly-like arrangement with a third or another couple. Your wife doesn't seem to have this background yet and she may be mistaking what it really is for something more. She may currently be blinded to the reality by the current fantasy. It's also not uncommon for this to happen to newbies (I say this because although you say you've been at this three years this is the first full-on sex experience for your wife); the excitement of being desired by someone besides just your spouse can be overwhelming until you get a handle on reality again.

we have meet some and soft swapped ,girl girl situations but that is all. Of the 4 or 5 couples we have met the ones we really liked never talked to us again. I have no idea why but that is why we stopped meeting people online.

I can tell you exactly why... you two are drama looking for a place to set-up camp. These couples recognized this and ran as fast as they could.

I hard swapped once with a woman that was married and he wanted her to swap even though he wasn't allowed.

Another drama couple with the "I can do it but you can't" scenario you have with your wife.

In 3 years we have never found one single girl online and I will have to do it locally. It may never happen but she has brought this up.

It will happen. Our first FMF found us at a regional Burning Man event. The rest have been women we've met together at non-swinger clubs, and for me playing solo an old friend of Mrs. WS' who is single and the wives of a some couples we've both played with that also play solo on occasion. But, it took about three years in the lifestyle to get to this point for us.

Tonight I told her how I felt about it and well guess I should have kept my mouth shut. I was acused of keeping points just because I want to move toward meeting someone.

Taking back the comments in my earlier post... WELL DUH! Isn't that the point? If it's not, then it definitely is a case of she eats her cake while you starve.

As far as the fact she works with her my wife had no problem with it till he said he did'nt want her involved. She later said she was afraid she might tell it at work.

Yeah, because they don't really have a non-exclusive arrangement and he knows if this woman finds out she will out him and your wife out of revenge.

I told her tonight that to me that sounds like you will take the chance for you but not for me.

Exactly correct.

I guess I am being selfish to want to do it to.

No, you are not. Swinging is the great equalizer in a relationship. If the relationship isn't on an equal keel when you start it will either quickly level itself or the couple will bail-out really quick because it will just create more issues than there already were. Unfortunately swinging will get the rap for the problems and possible demise of their relationship rather than blame being placed where it should be, squarely with themselves.

But no matter she got mad and at this point it is over. She is no longer going to do it.

Her seeing him, also?

Am I keeping points by wanting to move toward meeting someone. Am I being selfish to feel that way about this situation.

Are you keeping points? Yes. Are you selfish because you want to move toward having what she is having? No. Don't use one for the other. Meet someone without comparing yourself to her otherwise you are doing it out of spite.

I have never posted on a board like this but it is great to have another channel to express yourself and get feedback....thanks for all your input.

You bet, I hope I haven't been too hard on you.

Mr. WS