[jdtpcouple]

Yesterday I got off the phone with my sobbing mother. She didn't say how she figured it out,but I'm guessing her access to my PC did the trick. One too many clicks on my internet browser back button, and the web history speaks for itself.

She tried to be clever & started the conversation by talking about the little girl who was kidnapped and murdered because "her parents were swingers." Then asked, "If you had the chance to choose that lifestyle, would you be willing to put your kids very lives at risk for your own selfish sexual gratification?"

It wasn't hard for me to see that she had
A - figured me/us out, and
B - made up her mind about what "those people' are like

She tried to say she was only concerned about the effect it would have on the children...then slipped up with a mention of how I was raised with "the teachings." Yes, she's religious. My bi-sexuality equals the eternal burning of my soul to her.

As far as her woe, "Won't someone think of the children"... Our adult time is separate from our family time. Our home is just that...a home. Right now the kids are preschoolers. They are focused on learning how to spell their own name and count to 100.

At the appropriate age, we'll begin talking with our kids about sex. We'll provide them with honest, accurate information about the different ways to express sexuality. We'll warn them about the dangers of STD's and educate them about how to protect themselves and their partner(s). All of this will be done without the use of fear, shame, or judgment.

While I don't expect others to agree with my chosen lifestyle...all I can be is me. As we began exploring the lifestyle we decided we wouldn't announce it to our friends/family because we know that the word swinger carries a negative connotation to most people. It would upset them and as a result put a strain on our relationship with them. At the same time we agreed that, were they to ask/find out, we wouldn't lie either. There are no negative consequences professionally, so we have the ability to be open about it.

That being said, my husband is a very private person. He feels very strongly that our sex life is not anyone else's business. Unless we choose to share it with them, We shouldn't have to discuss it, defend ourselves, or justify our choices.

Me? I'm more "Love it or leave it." I won't push my liberal views on sexuality on others, but if you are asking, don't think I'll sugar coat myself to try and fit in the socially and morally acceptable, hetero-monogamous box that you/God deem "good."

When I was 17 my mom searched my room and found my birth control pills. She packed everything I owned & threw me out, never to speak to me again (for about a year). She was convinced I'd be in the streets, doing drugs & paying for them with prostitution. A senior in high school and not able to legally obtain my own place to live, I stayed with a school friend for a couple of months until graduation. Then I was on my own.

I was cut off emotionally, socially, and financially from the sheltered Mormon community I was raised in. I attended junior college full time, worked two part time jobs (child labor laws preventing me from getting one full time), and lived in a seedy pay by the week motel where they didn't care that I was a minor as long as I paid the $125/week on time. In my own defiant way, I remained a "good" kid with "bad" morals. The days of being ashamed of my sexual desires are long over for me.

I would like to represent the lifestyle in a positive way and being prepared for the verbal assaults that are inevitably in my future will help me do this. I think its important for me to point out that we've only visited 3 on premise clubs since June of this year. I've heard people who've been in the lifestyle for over a year describe themselves as newbies, so what does that make us? Our experiences have all been so positive, but we are still finding our way.

What I want to know from the board is this:
What judgments can I expect to be thrown at me/us?
Has anyone else had this happen to them?
What will people ask me about?
How did/would you respond?

I'm not really looking for discussions about the kids, or whether or not I should have lied/covered it up. I didn't, it's out there, now how do I/we deal with it?

Here's what I'm expecting so far:
*accusations of defiling the sanctity of holy matrimony
*homosexuality is a sin
*sex with anyone besides your spouse IS cheating
*you're going to get AIDS & die, then you'll really be sorry

Please, add to my list and provide your answers/response.