[sereneiders]

I agree with Tybee Swing, and that sort of "why" was the one I meant before.

You're right in feeling deceived and it is up to you to decide if it worth the effort to save your marriage.

Of course, the easiest option here is to divorce. It's so "easy" to advice you to go for this choice, and even now how to do it, feeding your anger and so on, that I feel this option doesn't require any further comment or discussion (unless you start a "how to divorce" thread).

So, I stick to the first option, not as an advice to follow, but just given the chance that you could be pondering it and it'd be more valuable a comment on the harder option.

What I don't quite get it yet is this. You two seemed to have a great communication, to the point of being open to discuss swinging and meet this single guy. She was next to you for 13 years. Yet, suddenly, she shows you a completelly new, compeletty deceiving face to you?

What's hard to understand for me is, how it is possible that someone able to do what she did, in the terms you put the events, didn't give you any clue of this face along all those years?

Unless having a mind health problem able to produce unexpected behaviors (like being hit with a hammer in the back of her head), people doesn't change so dramatically from one day to the next. Of course, we all change, but it is often a slow peaced process, and people arond you notices "something is going wrong".

This question goes beyond this relationship outcome, because I believe there were hints you didn't notice, for whatever reason, and, what guarantees you that you wouldn't notice this sort of clues again, with your wife or with someone new?

And back tho this relationship, I wonder if there wasnt's some sort of denial of "evidences" from you when discussing the whole swinging idea with your wife. This is something we've seen a couple of times around here: the guy so turned on by the swinging idea, focused mostly in the pleasure he would get from this (even if making the wife "perform" with another guy), and unaware ot the effect on the wife (like "but... she got out of the closet and now she wants more than what I want"), that pursuing his own fantasies doesn't take a look (or doesn't want to take a look) of what's going on around him.

I am not telling this is your case, since I don't know. It's an example of one of MANY different scenarios where my question could be answered.

And I believe it is important for you (and you alone, here) to be able to recognize the scenario, as to be able to avoid it in the future, wheter with your wife or with someone else.