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Originally Posted by Confused In PA so after some time to deal with this mess, I've asked her the obvious question, Why? Her reply was "I don't know, it was just sex" and "it didn't mean anything"
I don't know what others might think but I don't buy this. There is/was a reason, there's always a reason and YES it did "mean something" to me. |
Precisely. I think the trouble is that your wife still thinks that you're upset because she had sex with another man. But that isn't it, is it? It was the lie. Whether or not it was "just sex" is irrelevant to the real issue, which is that she was okay with deceiving you. Why didn't she just tell you? Oh, I know this one...because if she had, it would mean that there was a distinct possibility that she wouldn't get what she wanted. And she had to have what she wanted. ASKING for your input would mean that she would have to compromise. She didn't trust your desire to make her happy; she had to make it happen for herself without giving you the opportunity to do it for her. You weren't given any choice.
Dude, you have every right to be pissed off. Hell, I'm pissed off and I'm not even married to her.
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Originally Posted by Confused In PA I'm still baffled how someone who is otherwise very responsible would meet with a complete stranger whom WE only met once.
To me that is just plain stupid. |
Yeah, no one really touched on that issue, did they? It's one of the reasons we don't play solo. Most people are pretty nice, but it only takes one freak who is off his meds to drop something in your drink and you wake up the next morning - if you're lucky! - with a pussy full of God knows what. Or maybe your husband never sees you again. Even in the best case scenario, where you come home after being assaulted, what are you going to do about it? Go to the police? Yeah. Sure.
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Originally Posted by Confused In PA Lastly, I mentioned that I should have taken to heart things I read about single males. I do not blame him, I blame HER. I also blame myself and can't help but think we should have looked for another couple. Then maybe, not a guarantee, but maybe this could have been avoided. |
While the single guy, if he was a man of any integrity, should have refused her once he knew her game, perhaps it's too much to hope for. That's still beside the point. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what the rest of the world's intentions are. What matters is the decision we each make for our own relationships.