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Originally Posted by Annie07 I agree that cheating is basically wrong but that it sometimes seems like it is better than the alternative. |
I can't say that I agree with that.
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Originally Posted by Annie07 Finally I came to the conclusion that even though I had lost all respect for my spouse I didnīt want to cheat on him so I moved out. |
Brava.
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Originally Posted by Annie07 Well my point is that I really really regret that I didnīt cheat. Atleast I could have had som fun during those years with that excuse for a man, but instead I stayed faithfull to someone who really didnīt deserve it.
This might not apply to the situation in this thread but I am only trying to point out that when it comes to cheating sometimes itīs not all black or white but that there may be a few grey areas. And to break up a relationship when children are involved is not easy. |
I agree that making stay or go decisions are much more difficult when the stakes are so high, but it doesn't alleviate the burden of making the choice. What makes it okay to make the wrong choice? How much money? How many kids? How many bills? I feel that, where kids are concerned, I'd rather that they see someone doing the right thing even though it's difficult to do, than doing the wrong thing because it's easier. It's not so gray that you can't see what's right or wrong. My job isn't to shield them from the unpleasantness of life - people who suck, tight finances, big changes like death or divorce - but to prepare them for it and make them see that tough circumstances don't absolve us from doing what's right.
The fact that you didn't cheat on your ex has less to do with him, and more to do with you. What some people miss, I think, is that cheaters harm themselves at least as much as the partner they cheat on. Maybe more. Where their partner can walk away from the cheater, having been hurt by them, the cheater cannot walk away him/herself. They live with the definition they gave themselves for the rest of their lives. They can no longer say that they've never done wrong, that they are incapable of such low behaviour. The things we do in our past are stains that don't come out. Our past is written in permanent ink, and we can't change it. It becomes part of who we are.
So all you've missed out on is being an asshole who disrespects herself and her husband...even if he didn't deserve it. The respect was there for him to earn if he wanted it. The fact that he didn't do anything to deserve it doesn't mean your good intentions were wasted. If he didn't have anything to live up to, it would've made his behaviour okay. He'd met the standards you would have set for him. The fact that you set the standards appropriately high just shows that he's sadly lacking as a human being...and you're not.