Susan here---Here's what worked for me, as we seem to have avoided most problems.
Developing threesome, foursome and moresome Play with friends. Sex, as an extension of friendship, really worked for me.
When in a positive, supportive and sexually charged environment, indulge yourself.
We are comfortable asking the tough questions before Play on topics of STD's, boundaries, sexual goals, etc. This alone has helped us to avoid STD and drama issues. We do get tested regularly and our Play partners are the types that do too. It's not a perfect system, but it works for us.
When in doubt about a couple, move on.
As far as listings online: We met three couples online. One was not a match as they clearly had not been honest about who they were. We simply said this isn't going to work out and left. We never indulge the delusional. After that we always videochat with anyone from online. The next two were quite fun and one couple we still see.
We mostly play with just two couples, who were friends before we ever started Swinging. Ed and I were pleasantly surprised at friends who liked the idea of having sex with us.
There is one thing I would change. I was very monagamous, very closed off sexually until I was 28. I thought I was serving myself well with such life choices. After all, wasn't there something noble in living life denying your drives and wasn't I protected from STD's and pregnancy? Well, at 28, I had casual sex with a friend and realized that nothing bad happened. I simply had to be smart how I conducted myself and not indulge fools. This evolved into mfmf foursome play with him and other single friends, which took me into this fun sexual adventure. After marriage, I continued, allowing Ed to decide if this was for him and it was
. So, if anything, I would have tried this earlier in life, perhaps 25 and be free of the fears I possessed.