Interesting hypothesis, Dr. YourBitterPill, but inaccurate. I disagree with you completely. You could apply those same assumptions to any number of people and label them a "sociopath" too. The definition of a sociopath is "an agressively antisocial psychopath". I an not aggressive, nor am I antisocial by any means (I'm probably one of the most popular, witty, and outgoing people my friends and family know). And a "psychopath"? Even by your definitions that makes zero sense here. Sounded like a pretty impressive thesis though! I'm sure you had a lot of heads bobbing knowingly in agreement.<p>
Truth is, you do not know me and cannot know me based upon some posted statements here. And you do not know my wife. She's always felt extremely lucky to have such a warm, loving, considerate and compassionate husband. You all act as though she was unhappy! She wasn't. She loves me dearly and I her.<p>
And the fact I was unfaithful to her was unknown to her and remains so, so in her mind, it isn't even a factor. The only factor here is that she learned I have desires about which she previously didn't know and now does. We're dealing with it. We talk about it a lot.<p>
My choice to stop fooling around was my own. I wasn't "caught" or even suspected. I simply got to a point (maybe when the kids got old enough to where we are having more time together) where it didn't feel acceptable anymore in my mind and I wanted to try to devote more of that energy to her and our relationship. That was the impetus for suggesting swinging. The choice of the day was a total coincidence - we were alone without distractions, for once. But that was a bad choice in retrospect. I'm not saying I've made all good choices along the way. I'm not perfect like a lot of people. But I have been a good husband (yes, despite my extramarital activities!), never neglected her or my children, and a model family man. So I was - if nothing else - able to compartmentalize my home life with my outside life. And I'm not boasting about it or making it sound like I deserve a medal for the accomplishment. I'm just stating it, revealing it openly.<p>
But that point has been beaten to death here. The fact is, I've met several current swingers who previously cheated on their spouses, were either discovered or weren't, and found that the mutual and open sharing of swinging made that something that neither spouse wanted or needed to continue to do. One couple who live nearby - the ones who pointed this forum out to me and I'm in contact with regularly, both were cheating on one another, almost came to divorce over it, discovered swinging, and are in a wonderful marriage again. I envied them and was inspired by them. That is pretty much when I decided to bring it up to my wife.<p>
I've hidden only one thing from my wife all these years, and in hindsight, she never was the less for it. Now I choose a new path, and am labeled a "sociopath" by an armchair psychologist.<p>
You're all going to think what you wish, or what some compelling essay convinces you to believe, but again, you do not know me. I'd have to confidently state that I've been a much better husband and father than 90% of all the other husbands and fathers I've ever known. Sure, I've lived a complex life that included deception, but again, not once was my family neglected for it. They've always been Number One and always will be. More than I can say for a lot of people....<p>