[yourbitterpill]

Not entirely sure where to begin here DKent. All I can say is that from your initial post, you display all the qualities of being a sociopath.
I'm serious. You need some psychiatric help, buddy. Not just for your wife and family but for yourself. Although I'm not sure you'll be willing to receive the help or even listen to my advice but you display ALL the common symptoms of sociopathic disorder.
The bulleted symptoms below are the sociopathic qualities you've displayed in writing.

Originally Posted by DKent

...I've always had a much greater sex drive than her and a need for more "out there" sex. I have indeed cheated on her our entire lives together, having many affairs, one-night stands, liaisons on business trips, even bisexual experiences. I've enjoyed it all, and have been immensely careful not to leave any clues or slip up, and she has no idea about my "other" life.

-Need for stimulation
-Poor behavorial control
-Infidelity
-Pathological lying
-Secretive

Originally Posted by DKent

...Truth is, I do not have any guilt regarding my infidelity, but I'm tired of it.

-Lack of remorse or shame

Originally Posted by DKent

Too much effort and time wasted setting up secret rendezvous, etc. I want to experience the pleasures of non-monogamous sex WITH my lady by my side; I want to share it with her and not have to decieve her anymore.

-Manipulative
-Parasitic lifestyle(possibly?)

I suspect that the only reason you suddenly see "swinging" as some sort of holy grail for your sexlife is because you're finding it harder and harder to acquire sexual partners on your own. You're aging and, as a man, are probably noticing that time is a little easier on the female form than the male. What better way to acquire more partners than to include your sexy wife? And imagine all the sexual possiblities she would open FOR YOU.

Originally Posted by DKent

...I finally dropped the bomb on her on (of all days, you idiot!) Mother's Day! She exploded. No, she IMploded. Whatever, it was the most shocking, terrifying thing to ever happen to her in our relationship - she thought the dream was over. She was so scared, hurt, confused, repulsed. I finally had to backpedal and try to talk to her rationally and we went to marriage counseling only two days later (at MY behest, not hers!). I needed to be able to talk to her via the thrid party there. I needed to ease her pain. Anyway, things went well there, and we opened a new line of communication. She never suspected I was so...sexual..so kinky. This man she'd known almost all her life was different now in a way, and it still leaves her a bit muddled and confused.

-Shallow emotions (you told her on Mother's Day!? WTF!? Who does that?)
-Need to justify crimes to receive their victim's affirmation
-creation of willing "victim(s)"

I noticed in the above as well that you always address HER emotions. You never say how you felt. I imagine you felt....good. After all the lying and secrecy, you were finally able to be "truthful". Don't you feel better? It didn't matter how SHE FELT. It didn't matter that that day should have been HER DAY. Nope, you needed that monkey off your back right quick. And you got it.
And then (and this is VERY cunning of you) you go to the marriage counselor. But is it to save your marriage? No, it's for you to open YOUR floodgates EVEN MORE. It's for you to tell her "hey, let's have sex with other people together!".

Originally Posted by DKent

...She tried to learn what the attraction is. She even looked online at various swinger's sites, the Freedom Acres site, etc. She wanted to know what her man was interested in doing. She couldn't agree with any of the positives all you folks were preaching. She did suggest she might go to a club just for me, to "get it out of my system" , but she'll sit in the bar and interact with no one...maybe go back to the car if it's too much. What fun.

-Glib & Callous

It's not about her "learning what the attraction is". It's about her trying to understand how this could possibly HELP your already messed up marriage! She's not interested in doing it because she's smart. She realizes that your relationship LACKS THE FOUNDATION FOR HEALTHY SWINGING - TRUST AND COMMUNICATION. She knows that this won't change you, your duplicity, your lack of empathy, or the relationship. She can see through your BS.

Originally Posted by DKent

...We've rarely watched porn; she has no interest in seeing other people having sex and it doesn't arouse her (so much for same-room sex). She doesn't have any fantasies about having sex with other people. She doesn't talk dirty and the word "fuck" is almost impossible to pry out of her mouth.

So what could POSSIBLY make you believe that suddenly she'd want to hop into bed with other people?

Originally Posted by DKent

Anyway, I wonder if there are other men on here with equally hopeless situations. I've all but resigned myself to the fact that I'll never get to indulge in that forbidden pleasure of outside sex WITH my wife there, enjoying it with me.

No, you've already indulged in that "forbidden pleasure" WITHOUT your wife for years. That's part of the reason she doesn't want to do that.

Originally Posted by DKent

Comments? How do you handle this? Do you keep pressing? Did you give up?
Why exactly are you here reading the forum like me?

From your other comments, you also:

-Contemptuous of others
-Does not percieve anything is wrong with them
-Grandiose sense of self

Be a real man. Get a divorce. It's readily apparent that you will continue to do what you believe is right, regardless of how it affects your marriage and your wife. Either do a whole bunch of soul-searching alone or go see a psychiatrist. You are a sociopath. You are looking to fill a hole in your life and your current course of action hasn't helped. Time to change tack.

Originally Posted by DKent

It's true, it's absolutely true: Men ARE from Mars and Women ARE from Venus. They are different - VERY different! In outlook, needs, perceptions, flexibility, etc. However, in my comprehensive research recently, I've discovered that SOME women are from Mars too - and those are the ones who are able to swing!

My wife and I have been married 2 years, swinging (on and off) for 4 years. Let me just say that both men and women are SO much more complex than that little blurb makes them out to be. There is a lot of grey area.

There are a lot of people in the world who think they can fit themselves or others into neat little labeled boxes. It doesn't work that way. You haven't done any "research". You've picked and chosen what fits your current perceptions about the world.