Quote:
|
Originally Posted by DKent OK, Spoomonkey and other rock-throwers, I've got to stand up here and defend myself. I've never done anything "to" my wife all these years but be a wonderful, loving, supportive husband to her. She's never known one iota of my "other" activites and I've gone to great efforts to assure she never does or will. So I've never even hurt her - not until I opened up to her and divulged my interest in swinging, that is! Ahhhh, openness, honesty. "No good deed goes unpunished", as they say.<p> |
You act as if you are
entitled to sexual variety. You're not. None of us are entitled to it after we make a commitment to one person. You write as if what you've done is okay because she doesn't
know about it, that of
course you're going to get "your" variety. Going behind her back does not make you a wonderful, loving supportive husband. People are throwing rocks at you because you don't seem to realize that.
You act as if the only obstacle to getting your variety is making sure she doesn't find out! That's
not the only obstacle. Your commitment to her as a husband is the obstacle. Your sense of entitlement is blotting out that reality.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by DKent You think me opening up and revealing that I was deceiving her all these years would be good for our relationship? What planet are YOU from, buddy? Even Ann Landers would have laughed her ass off at that suggestion!<p> |
Ann Landers might laugh her ass off, but that's only because you have already cheated repeatedly. If you hadn't, she would tell you you shouldn't. Just because the truth would hurt her doesn't it okay to cheat and then hide it.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by DKent As for you righteous swingers out there so condemning "cheating' - yeah, it's easy to say for you, since your wife is one of those rare ones who will participate in the lifestyle and therefore, obviating the need to get that variety in your sexlife you so freely enjoy. And variety is a big part of the joy of swinging, whether you admit it or not. You're lucky, not necessarily good.<p> |
Your phrase "the need to get that variety" shows again that you feel like this variety is your right. You feel that her expectation of your fidelity is somehow the problem. We're here to set you straight on that one.
As for whether we're righteous, well, maybe we are a little. But that doesn't mean we're not
right. Not only that, but we're discussing
your situation, not
our luck or virtue.
But now I
will discuss our luck and virtue by saying if you've read much here, it should be apparent to you that we don't just have the good fortune of open-minded wives and husbands. We have the results of the hard, honest work of open communication between ourselves. That shows we're
both lucky
and good.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by DKent I would guess that, if you took all the swinging couples out there and the wives suddenly reverted (or never were converted to swinging in the first place) to vanilla, at least half the men would end up getting their variety in extramarital activities. But you're safely in a place where you can deny that and lord your condemnation over us "cheaters". |
You're trying to justify your actions by saying we'd do it too. You shouldn't worry about what
we would or wouldn't do, just about your own situation. Your situation is that you've done wrong by her, hidden it, and now are hoping to get her to swing. I suggest you do what you can to make
her happy from here on in, encourage stretching her comfort zone, and always put her needs first. If you do this, you may not get to swing, but you should both be happier. You can't do anything about the past, but you can change your future. Good luck.