From what I've read, you have pretty good communication skills, you're assertive, and you know what you need from a relationship. You have an open-minded and balanced way of going about life in general and swinging in particular. You seem to "get it" where swinging is concerned, that it's a together activity, and it's not the sex that hurts but the lying about it.
To answer your question, YES, it IS cheating. Anything that has to be hidden from you is cheating and just hearing about his sneaking around pisses me off...and I'm not even involved! It's situations just like yours that are the reason my husband and I refuse to play with anyone who is out playing behind his or her partner's back. And yes, sadly it's more common than we'd like.
I think you have a decision to make: do you really want to be with someone who doesn't think enough of you to be honest with you? Someone you can't trust? Or do you truly think he'll change? I'm not being facetious. It's possible that he may change, but you'd have to actually
see the change, and not just hear him promise that he will. I would tell him exactly what you said here:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by empowered I'm upset about [your] playing without telling me. Not so much having sex outside of US, but of not being told about it. It seems to me the basic agreement of being informed has been broken.
I'm angry sad, hurt, and sick to my stomach. i feel very much betrayed. I feel i can't trust [you] and i feel manipulated and used. I also wonder if can really have sex again with [you]. |
That pretty much says it all. From your description, Junior has some growing up to do before he catches up to your emotional maturity level. I'd recommend, if you decide to leave him, that you don't let him talk you into staying again. Whichever you decide to do, follow through and let him know the reasoning behind your decision. You don't owe him anything after the stunts he's pulled, but he'll never learn unless someone makes him understand.
Welcome to the board! Looking forward to getting to know you!